YYZ Skinhead
RIP Neil Peart 9/12/1952 -- 1/7/2020
What muscle relaxant pills do German car manufacturers pop?
Benzodiazepines.
Benzodiazepines.
Corny jokes
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SmokinMom
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A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ***."
"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your *** it won't be Cheerios!"
"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your *** it won't be Cheerios!"
YYZ Skinhead
RIP Neil Peart 9/12/1952 -- 1/7/2020
What show has Russian emperors busting a move? Dancing with the Tsars.
YYZ Skinhead
RIP Neil Peart 9/12/1952 -- 1/7/2020
It might not be healthy to pass a lit joint after passing a fart, depending on the severity of the fart...had I farted and struck a match everyone reading this would be blasted to kingdom come through their screens.drfting07 said:
YYZ Skinhead
RIP Neil Peart 9/12/1952 -- 1/7/2020
What do you call a pot-smoking fiddle player? High strung.
YYZ Skinhead
RIP Neil Peart 9/12/1952 -- 1/7/2020
What is Degrassi High?
What people get when they smoke de grass.
What people get when they smoke de grass.
Iams
Off the leash!
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Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, Pour me a stiff one just had another fight with the little woman. Oh yeah? said Charlie , And how did this one end?
When it was over, Mike replied, She came to me on her hands and knees.
Really, said Charles, Now thats a switch! What did she say?
She said, Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.
:giggle:
When it was over, Mike replied, She came to me on her hands and knees.
Really, said Charles, Now thats a switch! What did she say?
She said, Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.
:giggle:
PotSmokinSaint
P.P.H.S. Member
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What's the difference between a wife and pizza dough?
Pizza dough does not press charges when you beat it.
Pizza dough does not press charges when you beat it.
Iams
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All the guys were at a deer camp..... No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you?"
He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"
He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"Good morning!" he said.
They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed,
patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night on his forehead.
Bob sat up and watched me all night."
With age comes wisdom.
LOL
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you?"
He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"
He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"Good morning!" he said.
They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed,
patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night on his forehead.
Bob sat up and watched me all night."
With age comes wisdom.
LOL
YYZ Skinhead
RIP Neil Peart 9/12/1952 -- 1/7/2020
Who is a pot grower's least-liked mythological figure? Hermes.
7greeneyes
MedicalNLovingIt!
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:rofl: okay thats funny
Iams
Off the leash!
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A 90-year old man was having his annual check-up and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
Iams
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The Little Angel on the Top of the Christmas Tree!
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.
Author Unknown
AAAAAHHHHHHH Tradition!
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.
Author Unknown
AAAAAHHHHHHH Tradition!
YYZ Skinhead
RIP Neil Peart 9/12/1952 -- 1/7/2020
How did the tobacco addict give up tobacco after he started smoking pot?
He quit while he was a head.
He quit while he was a head.
Greivel4survival
The Breedmaster
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Why did the lifeguard not save the old hippy drowning in the ocean? He was too far out man.
OR
What is a jamaican in jail? A pokey mon!
OR
What is a jamaican in jail? A pokey mon!
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