Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the
garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to
back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing a
gale, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and
slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now
with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out
there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you
believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And that's how the fight started ..
************ ********* ********* *****
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply
saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's how the fight started ..
************ ********* ********* ***
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the
counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realised I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I
would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten Disability, too'
And that's how the fight started ..
************ ********* ********* ********* **
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the
other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed
and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it .. He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and
shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then
which one are you?'
And that's how the fight started ..
************ ********* ********* ********* *****
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the
strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah,' I said, 'she can order for herself.'
And that's how the fight started ..
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high
school reunion, and I kept staring at
a drunken lady swigging her drink as she
sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old
girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago
and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a
person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And that's how the fight started ....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom
mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And that's how the fight started .......
