Todays funny

[Dubbaman]

A guy was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & discharged, shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
"Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly" answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

 

[Dubbaman]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical Exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take This jar home and bring back a semen sample Tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared At the doctor's office and gave him the jar, Which was as clean and empty as on the Previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man Explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried With my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried With my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with Her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, Then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door And she tried too, first with both hands, then an Armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between Her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

 

[Dubbaman]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2QDzwBy55Uk