The Original Old Farts Club

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Tips to achieve the ultimate dirty Navy-style coffee mug

The Navy may have the most complicated rank structure
when it comes to its ratings system, but there is
another, much more uncouth method for establishing
hierarchy among sailors: Filthy coffee mugs.

It is a commonly-held truth in the seafaring service
that one can tell a higher-up from a newbie based on
the amount of sludge that lives in the bottom of
one’s coffee cup.

So, in the interest of salt, here are some professional
tips, from Navy veterans, to get an optimally seasoned
mug.

1. Always drink black coffee. Milk or creamer curdles
and introduces bacteria into the mix. Sour lactose
creates a hostile environment — not ideal for going
years without washing your mug.

3. For extra flavoring, take the leftover coffee
grounds from the filter and let them rest in the
cup for a few days before dumping it out. Treat
your mug like a cast iron skillet.

4. If you need to, rinse it lightly with just a
little water. This is only to be done in cases
where the buildup is starting to become untenable.

5. Don’t wash the mug with the soap. Ever. You
might be tempted every now and again to give it
a good soak. Don’t. You will lose all the flavoring,
respect from your near-peers and any chance at an
honorable discharge from the U.S. Navy.

2. Drink the whole cup of coffee. Don’t leave even
a drop behind. You want to season the mug with a
faint film, not swigging day-old coffee every morning.
 
I been offline for a while. Seems my sooper charm worked on AT&T. A guy showed up at 9AM and worked his buns off (until noon) climbing two telephone poles a half-dozen times each, stringing optic cable about 200 feet to the Chateau...

...then drilled holes in my wall to put in a new, totally fargin weird-lookin' modem. Looks like a toaster with no room for bread. No buttons, no words printed anywhere... kinda off-white. No blinky lights anywhere. Somethin' outa Star Wars.

What it does is something I cannot get my head around as an old computer design enkingneer: It works at 650 Gigabytes!~ <-- That sounds like bullshit, I know. Back in (my) Olden Days, we made a model puter with modem built in. Speed was measured in BAUD. That is one character change per second equals one BAUD. So our bleeding edge state-of-the-art portable (on camels!) puters ran at about 400 BAUD.

That, Pilgrim is about the speed of a competent typist. The (nonexistent) line to my puter delivers 650,000,000,000,000 "BAUD". Din' cost me a dime. That is more than a TRILLION times faster than Unca's typist. Jeez.

It was a different ATT guy, so I got my crossbow out for him. He had a phone that could take movies (I guess they all do now), so I tooken a movie of him using my crossbow and shooting stick -- Set up the target at 40 yards. He had never even held one before, but he was an ex-GI, so I just put my campaign hat on and he loaded, prepared, set up the stick and safety off, just fine.

The target was a dime-sized dot. He hit it. Now HE wants one!
 
A Story About Pants... And Who Wears Them.



Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat…



He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on!'



She did and said: 'These are too big, I can't wear them.'



I replied: 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.



Ever since that night we have never had any problems."



''Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.



On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Jane: "Here try these on."



She tried them on and said: "These are too large, they don't fit me".



Mike said: "Exactly, I wear the pants in this family, and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."



Then Jane took off her pants, and handed them to Mike. She said: "Here, you try on mine."



He did and said: "I can't get into your pants".



Jane said: "Exactly! And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will."



And they lived happily ever after..
 

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