The Original Old Farts Club

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We eat pigs and those mother fkers are some of the nastiest bastards on the planet. They will eat anything including humans and their bones.
They wallow in their own shit and live in nasty ass mud half the time.
Thats right, we are just used to the things we eat. Pigs are very smart as well

Bubba
 

Shopping​

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
 

Train​

While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?” The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, 
I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?” He promptly replied, “Another train.”
 
Good Morning folks
This is for Roster.
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I have kept coons as pets and they have human hands and are smarter than most kids.
WARNING WILL ROBINSON!

Essentially all raccoons (adorable though they may be) have a parasite that transmits to humans. This parasite EATS your retina. TINS.

"Baylisascaris infection is caused by a roundworm found in raccoons. This roundworm can infect people as well as a variety of other animals, including dogs. Human infections are rare, but can be severe if the parasites invade the eye (ocular larva migrans), organs (visceral larva migrans) or the brain (neural larva)."

1697881139957.png

This is some serious shiit. Lookit:

Clinical signs in humans​

  • Skin irritations from larvae migrating within the skin.
  • Respiratory discomfort, liver enlargement, and fever due to reaction to larvae migration.
  • Eye and brain tissue damage due to the random migration of the larvae.
  • Nausea, a lethargic feeling, incoordination and loss of eyesight.
  • Severe neurological signs including imbalance, circling and abnormal behavior, caused by extensive tissue damage due to larval migration through the brain, eventually seizures and coma.
 
Now this is by any means meant as derogatory or should be misconstrued as a insult.
bless your hearts..


Southern FOLKS​

Southern FOLKS know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity Southern FOLKS know their vacation spots: The beach The rivuh The creek Southern WOMEN know everybody's first name: Honey Darlin' Shugah Southern WOMEN know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind Southern FOLKS know their religions: Baptist Methodist Football Southern FOLKS know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Chawl'stn S'vanah Foat Wuth N'awlins Addlanna Southern WOMEN know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall The Country Club The Beauty Salon Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails Having bad manners Cooking bad food Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up"a mess." Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of"yonder." Only a Southerner knows exactly how long"directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly." ("Dreckly" in my family) Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar"is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'! Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between"right near"and "a right fer piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. A Southerner knows that"fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, .... and when we're "in line", we talk to everybody! Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. In the South,y'all is singular, all y'all is plural. Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, biscuits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and"sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart"... and go your own way. To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning, bless your heart! And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff.....bless your hearts, I hear they're fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah ! Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could
 
WARNING WILL ROBINSON!

Essentially all raccoons (adorable though they may be) have a parasite that transmits to humans. This parasite EATS your retina. TINS.

"Baylisascaris infection is caused by a roundworm found in raccoons. This roundworm can infect people as well as a variety of other animals, including dogs. Human infections are rare, but can be severe if the parasites invade the eye (ocular larva migrans), organs (visceral larva migrans) or the brain (neural larva)."

View attachment 344592
This is some serious shiit. Lookit:

Clinical signs in humans​

  • Skin irritations from larvae migrating within the skin.
  • Respiratory discomfort, liver enlargement, and fever due to reaction to larvae migration.
  • Eye and brain tissue damage due to the random migration of the larvae.
  • Nausea, a lethargic feeling, incoordination and loss of eyesight.
  • Severe neurological signs including imbalance, circling and abnormal behavior, caused by extensive tissue damage due to larval migration through the brain, eventually seizures and coma.
Spot on !
My buddys brother in Ga had to do,a number on his pool because coons were making ca ca in it
Wild animals have diseases,especially a forager such as coons.
With the wild pig population so big its millions of diseased animals too.
 
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My grandmother raised a male racoon named Bugger and was given a female named Josephine by one of our neighbors who raised her until she got to be too much of a handful. They are nocturnal, so busy at night while we are trying to sleep, climb curtains, knock stuff off shelves, were into everything, and put their food into their water dish.

Intelligent and fun to play with, except for their really sharp teeth when they get carried away.

Grandmother ended up donating them both to the OKC zoo.
 
when that snake starts to strike , it has a little twitch just before it launches

when Unca sees that twitch , and the snake lunges , Unca swipes that knife in one swift smooth swipe and decapitates the snake in one motion

if I am not mistaken , this snakes fangs about penetrated Walts jeans and just about bit him before the head was off

or something like that….

I can’t think of a word to describe why a human would challenge a rattlesnake with a pocket knife , unless that word is Unca Walt
We doan seem to be gettin' through to dogster. Lemme try again... although I attached the explanation to the video still about whut it wuz I be doin'.

@bigsur51 , you got another snaky encounter mixed in. The guys in the club nicknamed me "Snakebait" (more stories later).

But this is the buzzer (Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake) strike you were thinking of:
1697882119727.png
He was shedding (they get nasty then) and I walked by in the swamp with a 50-lb corn sack on my shoulder, so I din' see him. He struck, and got hung on my pantleg. I hadda grab him quick and sling him against a tree. The boys weighed him: 22 pounds.

Awshit. Long as we are at it. I have a video of a coral snake biting my boot (red touches yellow) up at that club. The day after I took the video, I got in my hunting tent blind in the pitch dark and sat in my folding recliner. Sat nice and still until it got light.

By that time, I was a tad stiff, so I swung my feet over onto the ground to stand up. And there was a huge cottonmouth moccasin right between my feeties. He was all wide-open and ready to shoot, so I just quick grabbed him.

Brought him back to camp still alive, and sumbody tooken a pic of me holding the squirming bastage.
1697882701196.png


Right at four feet long.

Strangely, no one in the club would ever go in the woods with me...

I've got another one, but no photos to prove it. So you can believe it or don't. It was crazier than batshit pancakes:

There was a tiny 12" berm at the edge of a pine forest along an open field that wild oinks frequented. It was a really warm day, so I was in shorts, laying there flat behind that berm on nice, dry pine needle ground.

A few minutes later, in the sooper quiet, I heard a light, continuous crackling right behind me. I held real still, thinking maybe it was a turkey (in season!) and that if it went out into the field I could get a head shot with my Weatherby.

The the crackle got not louder, but much closer. I slowly turned my head, and damn' near catted on the spot! It was a huge rattler, and he was within a foot of me! I could not roll away because of that little berm, so I did the only thing I could do: I jumped up, tore my hunting hat off and smacked him with it before he got organized. Of course, the hat didn't hurt him, and he struck -- deflected by my hat again. He bit the hat.

That gave me the chance to grab him. Brought him back to the camp alive, also. Someday, I will tell you the Starkey Story of the ugly little green Two-Steps (Bamboo vipers), dogster.
 

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