The Original Old Farts Club
- Thread starter yooper420
- Start date
71 out this morning. I'm thinking of cooking spaghetti meat sauce tonight. Relaxing morning so far.
Morning Ness. I don't know what rain is. 
Unca Walt
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A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.
He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus"
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.
Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar.
His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?”
He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus"
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.
Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar.
His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?”
Spit my fking coffee out.
Ouch , I did that once with a razor knife almost took my thumb off , feel better Big
GOOD ONE Walter I laughed hard
Good morning everyone. It’s just about the nicest day ever here so I have no weather complaints. Dogs loving the cooler walk and getting ready to take a bike ride in the cool breeze instead of blistering sun. Hope everyone has a sweet day 
A guy walks into a bar and orders six shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day."
The guy says, "Am I ever! I woke up late for work. On my way to work, I got in an accident. When I got to work, I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. To top it off, I came home to my wife screwing my best friend."
The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?"
The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again."
The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?"
The guy says, "BAD DOG!"
The guy says, "Am I ever! I woke up late for work. On my way to work, I got in an accident. When I got to work, I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. To top it off, I came home to my wife screwing my best friend."
The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?"
The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again."
The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?"
The guy says, "BAD DOG!"
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Thanks for the laugh guys. Walk time.
All Good? Did they keep you awake during the procedure ?
joeb631a
Well-Known Member
no they knocked me out for 5 minutes
the worst part was last night.
They shaved my sasquatch back and I was up all night itchy A F
went in @ 10 am out by 1:30 real easy and we had fun!
Poor Nurses , I hope they kept their eyes shut LOL
Morning back at you Joeb when did this happen joeb (rebot for the afib)?
I bet ya woke up sore in all new places LOL
Wow quick , I have seen people go 6 hrs on the table finding the right spot and then an overnight stay to boot
Only his feelings when the nurses laughed at the size of his worm
Joe be careful Brother. Certain things can cause Afib attacks. I know all about them. Sativas can be a problem and Strong Alcohol such as Whisky or Moonshine can cause a flair-up. I smoke Indicas and drink beer and never have a problem,, but if I do a strong Sativa or the strong hard stuff like Moonshine,, im fked. Also, be careful with Dehydration.
Ive had them so bad my heart looks like its beating out of my chest. Almost pass out and man does m,y heart hurt when that happens. Ive pretty much got mine under control with Levothyroxine. Dont hardly even get a flutter anymore. I never knew how much control your Thyroid has over your heartbeat.
Ive had them so bad my heart looks like its beating out of my chest. Almost pass out and man does m,y heart hurt when that happens. Ive pretty much got mine under control with Levothyroxine. Dont hardly even get a flutter anymore. I never knew how much control your Thyroid has over your heartbeat.
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