ABBOTT AND COSTELLO’S ‘WHO’S BEEN VAXINATED?’
Bud: ‘You can’t come in here!’
Lou: ‘Why not?’
Bud: ‘Well because you’re unvaxinated.’
Lou: ‘But I’m not sick.’
Bud: ‘It doesn’t matter.’
Lou: ‘Well, why does that guy get to go in?’
Bud: ‘Because he’s vaxinated.’
Lou: ‘But he’s sick!’
Bud: ‘It’s alright. Everyone in here is vaxinated.’
Lou: ‘Wait a minute. Are you saying everyone in there is vaxinated?’
Bud: ‘Yes.’
Lou: ‘So then why can’t I go in there if everyone is vaxinated?’
Bud: ‘Because you’ll make them sick.’
Lou: ‘How will I make them sick if I’m NOT sick and they’re vaxinated.’
Bud: ‘Because you’re unvaxinated.’
Lou: ‘But they’re vaxinated.’
Bud: ‘But they can still get sick.’
Lou: ‘So what the heck does the vaxcine do?’
Bud: ‘It vaxinates.’
Lou: ‘So vaxinated people can’t spread covid?’
Bud: ‘Oh no. They can spread covid just as easily as an unvaxinated person.’
Lou: ‘I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. Look. I’m not sick.
Bud: ‘Ok.’
Lou: ‘And the guy you let in IS sick.’
Bud: ‘That’s right.’
Lou: ‘And everybody in there can still get sick even though they’re vaxinated.’
Bud: ‘Certainly.’
Lou: ‘So why can’t I go in again?’
Bud: ‘Because you’re unvaxinated.’
Lou: ‘I’m not asking who’s vaxinated or not!’
Bud: ‘I’m just telling you how it is.’
Lou: ‘Nevermind. I’ll just put on my mask.’
Bud: ‘That’s fine.’
Lou: ‘Now I can go in?’
Bud: ‘Absolutely not?’
Lou: ‘But I have a mask!’
Bud: ‘Doesn’t matter.’
Lou: ‘I was able to come in here yesterday with a mask.’
Bud: ‘I know.’
Lou: So why can’t I come in here today with a mask? ….If you say ‘because I’m unvaxinated’ again, I’ll break your arm.’
Bud: ‘Take it, easy buddy.’
Lou: ‘So the mask is no good anymore.’
Bud: ‘No, it’s still good.’
Lou: ‘But I can’t come in?’
Bud: ‘Correct.’
Lou: ‘Why not?’
Bud: ‘Because you’re unvaxinated.’
Lou: ‘But the mask prevents the germs from getting out.’
Bud: ‘Yes, but people can still catch your germs.’
Lou: ‘But they’re all vaxinated.’
Bud: ‘Yes, but they can still get sick.’
Lou: ‘But I’m not sick!!’
Bud: ‘You can still get them sick.’
Lou: ‘So then masks don’t work!’
Bud: ‘Masks work quite well.’
Lou: ‘So how in the heck can I get vaxinated people sick if I’m not sick and masks work?’
Bud: ‘Third base.’
And...scene...