Folks, using physical violence against a person is the last resort of a person who has run out of the ability to use their brain and form logic.
I don't want to get into a pissing contest about it, but in the 18 years of raising my son, while he lived in my home, I never once, NOT ONCE used physical violence on him.
Sure, hitting people works. So does cutting off their fingers or hands. Hell folks, if they're really, really bad, you can cut their freaking heads off like the savages in sand land.
What I used is MY brain and my child's brain, combined with logic, discipline, consistency and fairness.
I'll explain; When he was too young for logic, I simply used examples to teach. If he cried as a means to gain attention, I gave him no attention until he stopped crying. After determining if he had a reason to cry, and didn't, I put him into a dark (nightlight), quiet room until he stopped crying. Since part of the reason was that usually he was just tired and had become "grumpy", he slept and woke feeling better. Then he was allowed to join the rest of the family and enjoy life.
If he did something that was unfair to another person, into the room he went. He was taught that "If you want to enjoy your life among other people, you have to consider their lives as well as your own". He learned this through example, as I stated above, until he was old enough to understand the spoken word at about 3 years old.
From that age until even now, (in his 40's), I've always explained how I felt about various situations to him in a fair, logical manner. Then, I asked him HIS opinion of the same situation and if he still didn't understand it in a way that would make him a thoughtful, fair and understanding person, I EXPLAINED IT AGAIN IN DIFFERENT WORDS.
You guessed it; this all took time. Sometimes I missed something I had planned for myself to enjoy. TOUGH CRAP. I brought my son into the world, and it was my responsibility to make him into a person who in turn would be responsible, thoughtful, fair and considerate of others. That sometimes takes a LOT OF TIME, and you miss other things. Too bad. So sad. Children deserve to be raised in this manner.
I've yet to meet a child who thought; "I think I'll have Mom and Dad make love and create me. Then I'll be born". A child is at your mercy when born and you are responsible for raising that child to be a good person. You are responsible to the child for that and responsible to society for that. YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE brought the child into the world. Don't act as if you are doing the child a favor by raising them.
Once a child is old enough to understand reason and logic, a parent needs only those tools to continue the child's education.
If a child breaks something for no obvious logical reason, you sit the child down in a room with no distractions and you take the time to discuss the action with the child.
Your child will be honest with you UNLESS YOU TEACH THEM TO LIE. You can't DO one thing and then expect something different from your child. Children learn how to act through YOUR actions as well as your words.
If you show disrespect for others while hiding behind a closed door and then show a different face to that person, your child will also learn to be "Two-Faced". If you tell someone one thing, and then laugh at them behind closed doors while you do something other then what you said to them, your child will learn to be sneaky and lie as you do.
Children learn more from example than they do from what you say, unless you say the same thing that you do. If you DO what you say, and you DO that all the time, then you will teach your child to be HONEST in it's actions and words. Nothing less will work.
I don't mean to preach to all of you, but when I hear that beating a person is a way to teach them properly, it just pisses me off.
Violence is only something that works as a last resort after logic, reason, patience and teaching by example have been tried.
Please, if your child is doing something wrong, sit them down and discuss it with them as you would with any reasonable, thinking person.
Show them how it's bad to act that way and then balance the scales of fairness. If they caused 400 dollars of harm to another, then tell them you will take 400 dollars of their possessions and give them or their sale price to the person they harmed. I did this with my son when he was very young. While I watched, he broke another child's plaything. I took one of his favorite playthings outside and after asking his Mother to observe, I gave that plaything to his friend and explained why.
Both the other child and his Mother learned fairness from that example. My son learned fairness and logic from that example.
No one got beat.
Annscrib, I don't mean to cast any dispersions on your raising of your child, but I do encourage you to use logic, reason, fairness and your brain to resolve this problem. Please do not use violence. If you use violence, you'll teach your son to use IT instead of his brain to resolve problems prior to using his intelligence.
I'm sure that there will be those who want to argue with what I've said. Please keep in mind that I've only typed a few examples of how to raise a child and that due to brevity, I can't cover every single contingency. A series of "But, but, but..." type arguments will do nothing to help. If you wish to argue, then state your opinion and give me a chance to discuss it with you. Perhaps we already agree and we just don't realize it.
<Stoney climbs back down off the soap box>
