Hey, Painterdude...If your wife says you have mites, it's time to check your plants carefully and isolate the ones you suspect have them. Do you have a magnifier you can use to look under the leaves?
I've read in a couple of places that people have put out pans of water and lowered the humidity in the environment, and the mites jump into the water.
Don't know if this is true or an "old husband's tale." But since it doesn't cost anything to try, I'm just tossing it out there.
I had mites earlier this year, but since I inspect my plants daily very carefully with a magnifying glass, I caught them early on and used Ladybugs to eradicate them.
Lots of people use Neem oil successfully, but others with heavier infestations say it doesn't work for them. Pyrethins is another usual product widely used, but again, people complain that in a heavy infestation, it also doesn't work. Others swear by a product called "Ultra-Fine Horticultural Oil," which to me, looks like it's nothing more than mineral oil.
I use Safer Insecticidal soap (widely available) for mites, thrips, aphids--and it works very well for me.
Here's what the Cervantes book says:
"Spidermites perfer a dry climate 70-80F and reproduce every five days in temps above 80F. Create a hostile environment by lowering the temperature to 60F and spray foliage, especially under leaves, with a jet of cold water. Spraying literally blasts them off the leaves as well as increases the humidity. Their repoductive cycle will be slowed and you will have a chance to kill them before they do much damage. Manual removal works for small populations. Smash all mites in sight between the thumb and index finder, or wash the leaves individually between two sponges. Avoid infecting other plants with contaiminated hands or sponges.
Remove leaves with more that 50% damage and throw away, making sure insects and eggs do not reenter the garden. If mites have attacked only one or two plants, isolate the infected plants and treat them seperately. Take care when removing foliage not to spread the mites to other plants. Severely damaged plants should be removed from the garden and destroyed.
Smear a layer of TANGLEFOOT around the lips of containers and at the base of stems to create barriers spider mites cannot cross. This will help isolate them to specific plants. (Note: smear a layer of TANGLEFOOT at each end of drying lines when hanging buds to contain spider mites. Once foliage is dead, mites try to migrate down dyring lines to find live foliage with fresh, flowing sap."
So, Painterdude, if your wife suspects you have mites on the plants, don't wait! Check them out thoroughly and when you find them (note that I didn't say "if" you find them--I trust your wife!) treat them in some fashion asap.
Pests are something I always expect to have because I'm doing an indoor-outdoor grow, so I tend to be very vigilant. If, due to health issues or whatever--you don't have the waywithall to be as vigilant as you know you need to be, here's a woman's suggestion: Ask your wife to be the daily plant checker, and do something wonderful for her in return. A nightly foot rub would probably be really appreciated! Or taking over some small job that she normally does, but you know she truly dislikes doing.
Trust me on this, I'm a wife, and if my husband ever said, "If you are willing to do this 15 minute task for me every day, I'll vacuum the house"---I'd be flying high and thrilled with that 'deal.'
Good luck figuring out what the heck is happening with your beautiful hybrids!