How do you pull yourself out of the dumps?

[greenscreen13]

So I am not really sure if this is a good place for this but I need some helpful advice.
I have been down in the dumps for quite awhile now. Two years ago I kicked opiates and a year n a half ago I kicked alcohol and just use the green these days.

Everything should be good for me these days. I live with my brother and I don't have a lot of expenses, I can save a little bit of money..I bought myself a reliable car a year ago, and I'm the overnight manager at my local Kroger.

Problem is I am still incredibly depressed. I don't really talk to anyone anymore, I barely leave my house. It's hard to get myself to do the few basic things I have too like going to the grocery store, going to doctors appointments, keeping my meds filled which brings me to my next point.

I have been completely honest with my doctor, I tell her how I feel. I tell her the problems I still have, I take my meds as proscribed and I have been in and out of therapy, rehabs and hospitals the last 10 years. I have lost count how many times I've been locked in a psyche ward. Been to rehab 3 times and it didn't work till I decided I was done with it.

I'm diagnosed schizoeffective disorder and I really don't feel much of anything anymore. One the worse symptoms of schizoeffective disorder is anadonia. Which I am struggling with. I came from a broken home and I've lost pretty much anyone I've ever cared about. These days it seems like no matter what I do I can barely get myself to take care of my basic needs. Im miserable. I barely talk anymore because I just don't see the point. My isolation is really bad.

Being on this forum is the most interaction I've had with the world in probably a year. The plant has become the only thing I look forward to. I think it's been good for me. I feel like there's so much in my life to try and fix that is just too overwhelming. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I guess I'm posting this to try and make some friends and just put into words some the things I'm struggling with vs just keeping it in my head. If you read this far I appreciate it, I hate being so negative I just don't know what to do anymore

 

[jambamamba]

Bro... So I quit drinking (after 10+yrs of a fifth of liquor a night and numerous drugs). My older bro is same as you but he loves meth and whatever he can mix with it, thinks it's his medicine. I feel like I should've been sent somewhere a couple of times at least like he got but never did. I don't go out, I don't like lots of people, and haven't felt happy in a long while. I think getting sober is learning to live again, creating relationships, and learning to be happy whatever that is but also pushing the boundaries for yourself. I've got a Siberian and my life would probably have been over if not for him. I lived in the middle of nowhere plowing snow and almost decided to drive that fackin thing over a cliff ON PURPOSE. I knew I had to move, again... I'm now in St. Louis, I met a lady (havent been on a good fun date in a LONG time) and live a little closer to my family in MS(lots of my folks are dead and gone too). Sometimes you just have to change some things up or do them a little differently (like with growing) to get different results. Theres ALWAYS another way my friend, if you can't see it then smoke another j and ask around haha (I think and talk to myself alot, I'm probably f'n retarded from head trauma)... There are forums out there like this one but for recovering and recovered folks that would be better at helping than the lot of us but don't ever hesitate to reach out to someone. There's a song "Positive Vibrations, by 10 years After" I like it when I'm feeling down, or the "Almost cut my Hair" song haha keep your chin up bro you've come down a road not many get to keep walking.

 

[jambamamba]

Don't quit

 

[jambamamba]

I've also read that weed can be bad for skitz. Idk if anyone else in here would tell you but it's like 1 of the only bad things from what I've found. So maybe just quit smoking but keep growing? Idk I like my smoke too and would tell myself to f off if I was told to quit haha

 

[greenscreen13]

I've also read that weed can be bad for skitz. Idk if anyone else in here would tell you but it's like 1 of the only bad things from what I've found. So maybe just quit smoking but keep growing? Idk I like my smoke too and would tell myself to f off if I was told to quit haha

I don't think I could manage without smoking, it's the only thing to take somewhat of an edge off. I probably should take a tolerance break but I doubt I actually will. But I've also heard that and been told that. I've also been a daily smoker since like 13 and I'm almost 32 now

 

[WeedHopper]

So I am not really sure if this is a good place for this but I need some helpful advice.
I have been down in the dumps for quite awhile now. Two years ago I kicked opiates and a year n a half ago I kicked alcohol and just use the green these days.

Everything should be good for me these days. I live with my brother and I don't have a lot of expenses, I can save a little bit of money..I bought myself a reliable car a year ago, and I'm the overnight manager at my local Kroger.

Problem is I am still incredibly depressed. I don't really talk to anyone anymore, I barely leave my house. It's hard to get myself to do the few basic things I have too like going to the grocery store, going to doctors appointments, keeping my meds filled which brings me to my next point.

I have been completely honest with my doctor, I tell her how I feel. I tell her the problems I still have, I take my meds as proscribed and I have been in and out of therapy, rehabs and hospitals the last 10 years. I have lost count how many times I've been locked in a psyche ward. Been to rehab 3 times and it didn't work till I decided I was done with it.

I'm diagnosed schizoeffective disorder and I really don't feel much of anything anymore. One the worse symptoms of schizoeffective disorder is anadonia. Which I am struggling with. I came from a broken home and I've lost pretty much anyone I've ever cared about. These days it seems like no matter what I do I can barely get myself to take care of my basic needs. Im miserable. I barely talk anymore because I just don't see the point. My isolation is really bad.

Being on this forum is the most interaction I've had with the world in probably a year. The plant has become the only thing I look forward to. I think it's been good for me. I feel like there's so much in my life to try and fix that is just too overwhelming. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I guess I'm posting this to try and make some friends and just put into words some the things I'm struggling with vs just keeping it in my head. If you read this far I appreciate it, I hate being so negative I just don't know what to do anymore

We got you brother. Keep hanging out with your friends here and growing that beautiful green and maybe things will get better.
We are good listeners and will try to lift you up every chance we get.
Just don't go camping with Hippie. You might wake up with your ass hurting.
I'm mean I wouldn't know,, but that's what Roster told me

 

[jambamamba]

Oddly relatable... Have you ever tried the mushrooms?

 

[greenscreen13]

We got you brother. Keep hanging out with your friends here and growing that beautiful green and maybe things will get better.
We are good listeners and will try to lift you up every chance we get.
Just don't go camping with Hippie. You might wake up with your ass hurting.
I'm mean I wouldn't know,, but that's what Roster told me

I do tell myself to just go through the motions because I do believe things can turn around. I'm not religious but I do think things happen for a reason and I'm just at a chapter in life that's not the best but it is slightly better then it's been in the past

 

[greenscreen13]

Oddly relatable... Have you ever tried the mushrooms?

The thing with the fungi is I've eaten an 1/8th on 3 different occasions and have never had any experience while people where tripping around me so idk what's up there

My brother and I have been thinking of possibly growing some ourselves though but neither of us have really starting looking into it

 

[WeedHopper]

Good shrooms can calm your nerves if you micro dose.

 

[greenscreen13]

Maybe I should grow a patch

 

[WeedHopper]

There are some members on here that grow shrooms. Maybe they can chime in.

 

[jambamamba]

I'm not saying be reliant on anything but if it helps! By all means. It helped me a lot with pain and quitting alcohol, clears my brain/helps focus and the best thing is it just made the day a little bit brighter. I'm am not a modern day doctor though.

 

[MariJan]

There are some members on here that grow shrooms. Maybe they can chime in.

Keep hanging in there. I only know a little about depression, my son is almost a hermit. He wont leave his room except to eat, and bathroom needs. My sister also battles depression. I know it's not fun. We are all good listeners. I will help if I can. I know little of your condition or of mushroom. I know there are kits you can buy but that is it. Prayers, coming your way.

 

[Draig]

I can't say I understand exactly what you feel, although im almost 60 and I have ASD, and I can relate to chronic depression, OCD, and anxiety so bad that I can't function sometimes. They call these comorbid conditions. I withdraw from friends and group activities. I used to drink to self medicate to the point that I was hospitalized for 72 hr. suicide watch, also alcohol rehab.

I used to be ashamed to admit any of this, or the fact that I was seeing a therapist. So you speaking out is a huge step! Also getting the right medication, we went through many, to find the one that helped, without dulling my senses, or drooling, lol.

I think the suggestion of micro dosing mushrooms is a great idea! The idea is not to trip, from what I understand, it's to calm the mind.

I believe you have good people here to talk too. I'm also available if you want to DM me.

1 Love

 

[Hippie420]

Don't ever bother with a suicide hotline. I called one once and got routed to a call center in Pakistan. Told them what my problems were, and they got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck!

 

[Draig]

That's fu*kin sad. Seems like everything service oriented is now outsourced these days. We have nothing but trouble with our internet and phone service, and we call and get some f*ker that that barely speaks english and talks like he or she's on some speed or some shit.
Also if you do get ahold of someone who speaks fluent English you get hung up on, if you don’t have an immediate, specific plan to off yourself.

 

[CrashMagnet]

I had Asperger's when I was young. I grew out of it in my teens, but I've always had a propensity to shut down and not go out or do the things I enjoy. I never heard the word anadonia before, but the definition sounds about right for what happens. I just call it fuckarounditus.

For me, the solution is to do things anyway, preferably new things, and not just pull back and shut down. If old interests don't work for me, I find new things to do. I actually went to college at age 28 to get an engineering degree because I was bored repairing trains and had started inventing reasons for not going in. Same with investing, machining, welding, mountain biking, power lifting, and tons of other weird crap no one but me would ever think is interesting.

It's always the same. I start doing something, maybe just researching it on the web, then I get a little real interest and pretty soon it's the only thing I want to do for months at a time. Then I eventually get bored with that and have to find other interests. I know if I don't I will start to pull back, avoid people and essentially let boredom take over again.

 

[Hippie420]

What always helped me when I was in a low spot in life was to take a look around. There's always someone that's worse off, and you don't have to look far to see one.

 

[Draig]

I had Asperger's when I was young. I grew out of it in my teens, but I've always had a propensity to shut down and not go out or do the things I enjoy. I never heard the word anadonia before, but the definition sounds about right for what happens. I just call it fuckarounditus.

For me, the solution is to do things anyway, preferably new things, and not just pull back and shut down. If old interests don't work for me, I find new things to do. I actually went to college at age 28 to get an engineering degree because I was bored repairing trains and had started inventing reasons for not going in. Same with investing, machining, welding, mountain biking, power lifting, and tons of other weird crap no one but me would ever think is interesting.

It's always the same. I start doing something, maybe just researching it on the web, then I get a little real interest and pretty soon it's the only thing I want to do for months at a time. Then I eventually get bored with that and have to find other interests. I know if I don't I will start to pull back, avoid people and essentially let boredom take over again.

I was also diagnosed with Aspergers. As we age we can learn and overcome our awkward behaviors and it gets easier to communicate with neurotypical people., though not everyone is the same on the spectrum.

My main obsession was Athletics, not typical of most on the spectrum. I'm very competitive, yet extremely introverted, then at the age of between 11 and 12 I grew my first plants until I joined the military and could no longer grow or smoke i gave it up until I turn almost 40, lol
I was injured at work, so my interest have changed to weed.

I can surely pass as neurotypical. Hell I didn't realize until my son was diagnosed. i was in my 30's, when I was tested. My therapist ATT, seen the signs and asked me if had anyone in my family that was diagnosed with it.

Both our son and daughter have Aspergers and they both have collage degrees
My son majored in Computer Science. "Software Engineering". My daughter Business Management." Marketing"
Me not so great. A.S. in HVAC/R I've always liked working with my hands.

I think a lot of people have a preconceived notion of us on the spectrum as being stupid or mentally challenged,, lol.


I'm like you though I've had many things that I'll be obsessed with and then get bored with and move on with. It does help. As I said I deal with chronic severe depression and anxiety comorbid from ASD. Therapy alone doesn't help. It's neurological.

Sorry for rambling hope I made some sense..smoking something new..
Anyway Depression Sucks!..