Amateur Grower
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- Mar 25, 2009
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On the internet you can read tons of stories, advice, etc. on how to pass a drug test. There is lots of good info, some bad info, and some outright lies. This is simply my story, truthful and accurate, of what I just went through while taking and passing a urine drug screen. CAUTION-Long boring details that probably won't be interesting if you're not having to take a drug test.
I've been a daily smoker for a long, long time. My job of 17 years did no random testing so I had smooth sailing, until I lost that job 4 months ago. Giving up smoking while job hunting wasn't an option for me, given the medicinal value I receive from cannabis (and I know enough to know that I WILL be blasted by some for not stopping smoking when I knew I would have to get tested) so I had to decide whether to try to clean up my own urine or use synthetic. Counting on the fact that most pre-employment drug screens are not monitored, I chose Quick Fix Plus synthetic. Before anyone asks, I have no ties to that company and had not heard of them before I began searching the internet.
I ordered the synthetic and it came with a small plastic 3 oz. bottle which had one of those little strip thermometers attached. There was a screw-on cap and a squirt cap, which I chose not to use because I was afraid there might be some sucking noise after squirting the liquid, along with a small heating packet. The instructions were very clear and easy to understand. I chose the 3 oz. size that contains urea, which it appears they test for in Canada and more and more places in the U.S. I wasn't sure so I figured better to have it than not.
I found out I would be pissing at a local company who would send the specimen to be tested by Quest Diagnostics. I put the premixed liquid and bottle in the microwave and got it hotter than I really intended. The strip registers from 90 to 100 degrees and I went over 100. I activated the warming packet and rubber banded it to the bottle. I slipped that get-up under my balls, held tight to my taint by compression shorts. I put on a pair of loose fitting jeans and drove to Wal-Mart and picked up a $5 Reli-On thermometer because the I didn't trust the strip on the bottle to be as accurate as I wanted. I was going to get a bigger hand warmer to use but they were out. All the time I'm walking around Wal-Mart with the fake piss bottle in my compression shorts to get used to the feel of it.
When I checked the temp in the parking lot of Wal-Mart it was 102. I kept the top off and blew on it until it cooled down to around 99, then put it back in my compression shorts and headed for the test site. From the time I microwaved it until I arrived at the test site was an hour, and when I tested the temp with the thermometer at the test site it was 98.
I had called ahead and checked on the wait and they said they weren't that busy. I signed in and gave them my driver's license. There was only one chick in the waiting area but they had made her wait a while. She finally got called back after about 15 minutes and I only had to wait about 10 minutes. The tech and I went into a small office with an even smaller bathroom right off it. She had me wash my hands. She got some info and handed me a huge cup and said "Fill as much as you can". That's why I'm glad I got the 3 oz. instead of the 2 oz.
They put colored dye in the toilet so you can't put any of that in your specimen, and tell you not to flush or turn on the sink. I closed the door but was a little worried because the tech was sitting maybe 4 feet away and could probably hear some of what was going on in the bathroom. The key is to practice ahead of time so you are comfortable with getting the bottle out and pouring it into the specimen cup. You don't want to be fumbling around, trust me. I sat the specimen cup on the toilet tank lid, unzipped and pulled the bottle out, peed a little in the toilet for the noise, and while peeing, poured the fake piss into the cup. THAT sequence is what you should practice! :laugh:
The 3 oz. size filled the cup up to the 600 ml line, which was the top line, so even though I hadn't nearly filled the cup-it was only about 1/4 full-I figured that ought to be plenty. Stuck the empty bottle back where it came from, zipped and buttoned and went out and handed the cup to the tech. She filled 2 different containers with the fake piss and had a little left over that she poured out. She checked the temp and didn't say anything to me one way or the other. I figure she would have said something if it was out of range, as we had been having some casual conversation, but who knows? She made me watch her seal the containers and initial the sealed bag and that was that.
2 days later- today - I received notice from my employer that I had passed the drug screen and was ready to start work. Taking a drug test can be a stressful thing for a smoker, and if you are like me and believe smoking weed doesn't make you a bad person nor a riskier employee, maybe this information can be a help to you or someone you know. Peace.
AG
View attachment QFPlus.jpg
I've been a daily smoker for a long, long time. My job of 17 years did no random testing so I had smooth sailing, until I lost that job 4 months ago. Giving up smoking while job hunting wasn't an option for me, given the medicinal value I receive from cannabis (and I know enough to know that I WILL be blasted by some for not stopping smoking when I knew I would have to get tested) so I had to decide whether to try to clean up my own urine or use synthetic. Counting on the fact that most pre-employment drug screens are not monitored, I chose Quick Fix Plus synthetic. Before anyone asks, I have no ties to that company and had not heard of them before I began searching the internet.
I ordered the synthetic and it came with a small plastic 3 oz. bottle which had one of those little strip thermometers attached. There was a screw-on cap and a squirt cap, which I chose not to use because I was afraid there might be some sucking noise after squirting the liquid, along with a small heating packet. The instructions were very clear and easy to understand. I chose the 3 oz. size that contains urea, which it appears they test for in Canada and more and more places in the U.S. I wasn't sure so I figured better to have it than not.
I found out I would be pissing at a local company who would send the specimen to be tested by Quest Diagnostics. I put the premixed liquid and bottle in the microwave and got it hotter than I really intended. The strip registers from 90 to 100 degrees and I went over 100. I activated the warming packet and rubber banded it to the bottle. I slipped that get-up under my balls, held tight to my taint by compression shorts. I put on a pair of loose fitting jeans and drove to Wal-Mart and picked up a $5 Reli-On thermometer because the I didn't trust the strip on the bottle to be as accurate as I wanted. I was going to get a bigger hand warmer to use but they were out. All the time I'm walking around Wal-Mart with the fake piss bottle in my compression shorts to get used to the feel of it.
When I checked the temp in the parking lot of Wal-Mart it was 102. I kept the top off and blew on it until it cooled down to around 99, then put it back in my compression shorts and headed for the test site. From the time I microwaved it until I arrived at the test site was an hour, and when I tested the temp with the thermometer at the test site it was 98.
I had called ahead and checked on the wait and they said they weren't that busy. I signed in and gave them my driver's license. There was only one chick in the waiting area but they had made her wait a while. She finally got called back after about 15 minutes and I only had to wait about 10 minutes. The tech and I went into a small office with an even smaller bathroom right off it. She had me wash my hands. She got some info and handed me a huge cup and said "Fill as much as you can". That's why I'm glad I got the 3 oz. instead of the 2 oz.
They put colored dye in the toilet so you can't put any of that in your specimen, and tell you not to flush or turn on the sink. I closed the door but was a little worried because the tech was sitting maybe 4 feet away and could probably hear some of what was going on in the bathroom. The key is to practice ahead of time so you are comfortable with getting the bottle out and pouring it into the specimen cup. You don't want to be fumbling around, trust me. I sat the specimen cup on the toilet tank lid, unzipped and pulled the bottle out, peed a little in the toilet for the noise, and while peeing, poured the fake piss into the cup. THAT sequence is what you should practice! :laugh:
The 3 oz. size filled the cup up to the 600 ml line, which was the top line, so even though I hadn't nearly filled the cup-it was only about 1/4 full-I figured that ought to be plenty. Stuck the empty bottle back where it came from, zipped and buttoned and went out and handed the cup to the tech. She filled 2 different containers with the fake piss and had a little left over that she poured out. She checked the temp and didn't say anything to me one way or the other. I figure she would have said something if it was out of range, as we had been having some casual conversation, but who knows? She made me watch her seal the containers and initial the sealed bag and that was that.
2 days later- today - I received notice from my employer that I had passed the drug screen and was ready to start work. Taking a drug test can be a stressful thing for a smoker, and if you are like me and believe smoking weed doesn't make you a bad person nor a riskier employee, maybe this information can be a help to you or someone you know. Peace.
AG
View attachment QFPlus.jpg
