I was referring to the book "Old Man and the Sea. #1 thing here is to quit being so defensive. We fk around a lot in here. It is what keeps us sane. You should try it. Have fun and let go.
Tell me a story.
OK here's a story
A really ugly bloke goes into his local & stands at the bar with a really miserable expression on his truly wart-splattered, ugly, face.
The landlord serves him a pint and says "hey Bert, what's up, why the long face?".
Bert says "**** off you interfering old *******".
Landlord says "Don't be like that Bert, what's up? and serves Bert another pint saying," this one's on the house, now cheer up - it can't be THAT bad".
Bert takes a big swig of his new pint and says,
"Well it's alright for you, you've got a decent roof over your head, a good business here, a good looking wife, and two fine sons".
"But... what about me, my dogs just died, me tractors broken down, t' boiler blew up two days ago, and women won't even look at me - never mind accepting an offer of marriage.
My life is utter *****. I'll have another pint then I'm off home".
Landlord serves him up another pint.
The landlord then goes off to serve a crowd that's just arrived. Twenty minutes later, Bert finishes his pint and walks out into the car park - slamming the door hard as he goes.
So - the following night the pub door bursts open and in strides Bert with a big stupid grin plastered all over his ugly face.
The landlord moves over, starts to pull him a pint and says,
"Blimey Bert - what's going on with you.? Last night you were such a miserable ****. What's brought about this transformation? I've never seen you grinning like a Cheshire cat before - you big, ugly, *******."
Still grinning, Bert takes a pull at his pint and says, "Ain't life just grand?"
Landlord says, "I'm intrigued, tell me What the **** is going on?"
Bert says - "Well, you know what a foul mood I was in last night - I was even thinking about topping myself. Anyway as I was driving home I took the short cut over the level crossing and as I was going over the railway lines I glanced out of the window and saw what looked like a young, half-naked woman tied hand and foot to the rails.
I stopped the car, rummaged in the boot, found a blade, and cut her free.
Then I bundled her into the car and took her home.
What a wonderful wonderful night we had. We made love in every room in the house, in every position you can imagine - it was glorious - the best experience of my life"
Landford says, "Aw that's great news Bert, I'm very happy for you. Tell me was she pretty.?
Bert - still with a big smile on his ugly mug says,
"I don't know - I never found her head.! "