# Confessions Of A Career Criminal



## GanjaGuru

Forward:
Webmaster/admin:If I'm out of line, let me know.  I'd like to start a thread where I can relate interesting experiences that have to do with growing pot in the great outdoors, and I invite others to contribute.

*Isolation:*
Think about the longest you've ever been completely cut off from civilization.  No phone, no internet, no t.v., no other people.
For most people it's only a few hours in their entire life.

One year I had 2 pot patches deep deep in the woods.  It required a hour hike on a steep dirt road and a 45-min. bushwhack with multiple steam crossings.
In Sept. one of my patches got ripped off and I was loathe to let them get the other one, which was quite big.
So I took off a month from work and did "guard duty", me and my trusty camping dog Buffalo.

I had a friend drop me off at the trailhead with more equip. than I could haul down at 1 time so i stashed some gear in the bushes and made 3 succesive trips to get it all in.
I set me up a nice camp, a few dozen feet from a stream, in a sandy area under a big oak tree.  I had a tent, sleeping bag and inflatable matress.
I built a rock ring for campfires, and had a fishing pole so it appeared to anyone who might wander that far off that I was a backpacker/fisherman.  50' away from my tent there was a pool where I bathed, using sand for soap.
Now, up until that time the longest I had ever spent completely cut off from "civilization" was less than a day.
I had a walkman and I could recieve 1 radio station--a conservative talk show station.  But I did have a lot of tapes to listen too at least.
And books, I had books I had been meaning to read for years but had never gotten around to.
My plants had about a month to go til ripe.
I would stay down there for 6 days in a row, and then meet a friend up at the trailhead at a pre-arranged time, at night.  I'd come back into town just long enought to get supplies, take a hot shower and sleep in a real bed before heading back at dawn the next a.m. for another 6-day stretch.

_to be continued_


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## Diseased Strain

It's like reading a hairy potter book. It cuts off at the worse time and you have to wait for the next installment.


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## GanjaGuru

I had 2 guns at my campsite.

1 was a .22 rifle I left leaning up against a tree.
This was mainly for show.
I didn't intend to shoot anyone with it (although "they" wouldn't know that).
see, I knew whoever found my first grow (8 early-maturing hash plants which would have yielded somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 oz/each) would come back looking for more plants to steal.
As a general rule, thieves don't like to steal stuff in broad daylight when someone with a gun is watching them.
Also hanging from a branch next to the tree was a walkie-talkie--totally useless in that deep canyon but then again "they" didn't know that.
My intention was to deter any potential crooks. Rippers are like burglers--they want to get in and out without being seen or confronted.
I also had a .22 ruger revolver. Every night I'd unload the rifle and load the revolver, which I would take in the tent with me.
Now there was no reason to have a gun at night in the tent. The area was so brushy and rugged even I would have a tough time getting in and out at night. Plus, anyone attempting it would have alerted my dog who would in turn bark like crazy long before they got there.
And there were no wild animals to worry about either. And if a stray bear or lion came near they would avoid the camp area because of the scent of humans and a dog.
It just made me feel safer for some reason.

The first night I was there I had a freaky occurance.
Around about dusk I was sitting by the campfire eating dinner when a rock hit my tent!
I looked at my dog and he was just hanging out. So he didn't see smell or hear anyone
I was pondering this when another rock hit my tent. Then another.
WHO THE **** WAS THROWING ROCKS AT MY TENT?
And why?

_to be continued_


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## Themanwithnoname

aaaww you cant do this to me please write more!!


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## GanjaGuru

I went and grabbed my rifle. Another rock hit the tent when I realized it wasn't rocks at all.
As I mentioned, my tent was pitched under an oak tree. It was Sept 1.
It wasn't rocks hitting my tent--it was falling acorns, which fall off oak trees around that time of the year. Increasing humidity at night causes the acorns to fall.
I had never camped that remotely by myself before, so I was kinda edgy. But it was just acorns.
After a few nights I got used to it.

The biggest drag about being out there was sheer boredom.
Oh yeah, it's nice to kick back next to a stream and blaze a fattie but that gets boring after a few hours.
I read. But you can only sit for so long.
I fished, but it was soooo easy to catch fish that it got boring soon too.
I couldn't hike because that would have defeated the purpose of being there.

I was there for a month. 6 days in a row, a quick overnighter to town and then back again for another 6 days.
I found myself having long philosophical talks with my dog.
I was going nuts.
That's when I realized that humans are social animals. We need other people.
The entire time I was there I only saw other people twice--friennds who came to visit and a group of 3 fishermen. They looked very disappointed to see me. I think they were the ones who ripped off my other garden.
I was soooo lonely. I remember seeing headlight, miles away on a road that skirted the canyon and found myself thinking "I wish I was in that car". It didn't matter with who was in the car or where they were headed--they were people. That was enough.
I also found myselg felling depressed around dinnertime.
It took me awhile to figure out why. Things would be mellow but around dinnertime every night I'd sink into a deep depression that would pass in an hour or so.
I finally figured out why.
Remember what I said about people being social animals?
Throughout human history, people of a tribe or group or family gathered at dinnertime. To eat and socialize, talk over the days events. For the first time in my life that was not an option. That was the cause of my depression.

I had been there for a month and was planning to wait 1 more week for optimum potency of my plants. Events changed all that.
At dawn on Oct. 1 I was making coffee at the campfire when a boulder about 10 feet away make a spark.
A second later I heard the shot.
Someone had shot a gun in my direction!
A few minutes later 2 low-life hunters appeared, the kind of people who shoot at anything that moves (in this case, me).
Then they headed over to a stand of trees on the other side of the stream, behind which I had 20 7' tall plants.
"No No." I yelled "Peligroso. Esnakes" made a snake motion with my hand and a rattlesnake sound.
They made a detour and continued on their way.
I did some thinking.
Like I said, my buds were about a week from being perfect.
But sooner or later some hunters might deciede to have a look-see and there was nothing I could do to stop it, or stop them from ripping off my plants.
Even if I was inclined to "shoot it out", what chance did I have--1 guy with a .22 against 2 guys with hunting rifle's?
Plus, I wasn't gonna shoot anyone regardless.
So that night I harvested all my plants and stayed up all night field stripping the buds--cutting the branches off the plants and cutting the buds off the branches and throwing the branches into the campfire.
In the morning I triple bagged all the buds and loaded them up in my pack, leaving everything else behind for later pick-up (my pack was totally filled up with about 80 pounds of buds) and started hiking out.
When i got to the road I had another problem.
My friend wasn't scheduled to pick me up for another couple of days. And the nearest phone was miles and miles away.
I stashed my pack VERY CAREFULLY in some heavy brush, went back to the road and stuck out my thumb.
About 2 hours later me and my dog finally got a ride to the nearest town.
I called a friend to come pick me up asap.
Then I hung out with some homeless people at the 7-11 who kept begging beer money from people going into the store. After awhile the clerk (some guy in a turban) came out and chased us away until I convinced him I wasn't "with" the homeless people; I was waiting for a friend. He relented and let me stay and even brought a bowl of water out for my dog (but none for me!)
A few hours later my friend arrived and we went back up and luckily my pack was still there. He drove me home and I spent the next week solid manucuring the buds.

Guard duty was a major drag. But on the upside I yieled 20-some pounds of killer bud, dried and cured. I smoked some, sold some and gave some away.

P.S. I went back a week later with a couple of friends to get my stuff. All of it was there except someone had stolen my lantern.

The end.


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## mojomon

That was most entertaining.

I'm tellin you Guru, you gotta think screenplay...

Can't wait for the next one--

MoJo


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## Themanwithnoname

bravo bravo!


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## Bubonic Chronic

amazing


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## GanjaGuru

Here's an interesting story that has nothing to do with pot.

One evening my friend and I hitch hiked to a campground way up in the mountains, a place we had never been to before.
We got dropped off and walked in at night.  Using our flashlights we walked alond the dirt road, found a campsite, made camp, built a fire and got high (I guess it_ does _have something to do with pot after all).
The next morning a ranger shows up and gets in my face right away.
"Why didn't you pay the campground fee" he demanded, all beligerent.
I said "I didn't know there was a fee or how much it is" I say.
"It's posted on a sign as you drive-in" he says.
"We walked it.  We didn't see any sign.  Anyway no prob., how much is it?"
"Six dollars" he says, still all confrontational.
I start to hand him the smallest bill I had, a $20.00 bill.
"You have to have the exact amount.  If you pay with the 20 you get no change."
What an *******.
So I say "I don't want to pay $20.00 for a $6.00 campground fee".
Then he says "then I'll write you a citation."
"Can you give me 5 minutes to try to find change?"
"No, you must pay now."
We were 100 miles away from home, in a different county.  I didn't plan to come back.  So I said "write away."
He gives me a ticket.

Later on we left.
I ignored the citation.
It would have involved a 200-mile r/t to go to the court.  **** 'em.
About 2 months later I get a notice in the mail saying a federal warrant had been issued for my arrest.  I had been charged with a federal crime.  I had to appear in Federal Court, the one downtown near where I lived.
So I go and brought my friend with me.
We walk into court, through the brass doors.
The court clerk reads off a list of cases to be heard.  People were in there charged with wire fraud, embezzilment. counterfitting, stuff like that.
"Is there anyone here who's name I didn't call?" he says.
"Me" I said.
"Who are you?"
I tell him.
"What are you charged with?"
"Failure to pay a campground fee"
Well everyone had a good laugh and the judge says "let's get this cleared up frst.  Are you represented by council."
"no your honor I'd like to represent myself if it pleases the court".
"OK" hizzonor says, "take the witness stand".
I was sworn in.
"tell me what happened" the judge says.
So I told him the truth.
The judge says "ok, how bout if I fine you oh I don't know how about 8 dollars?"
The U.S. Attorney who probably makes $100k/year jumps up and says "That's in addition to the 8 dollar campground fee your honor."
"So ruled, I find you guilty and fine you $16.00.
So I pay the clerk $16.00 and we leave.
BUT before we left we went to another floor and into an unlocked vacant courtroom where I stuff two $100.00 micraphones in my belt under my shirt, pistola style.
And we walk out.
The next day I sold the mike's for $75.00.
**** with ME will they!!!


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## Themanwithnoname

encore encore!


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## Max

Keep breaking stupid laws, Gange.  You're reasonable enough to judge which are bullshit.  Stay flagrant.


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## Bubonic Chronic

hahahah....YANK, DEEEEEEEEBOOOOO

you are in fact my hero


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## The haze one

ahahah guru ur solid bro .... KEep rocking seshions and every one stay high!


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## ANDRE MYSTIC

great stories guys...keep writing and keeeeeeeeepppppppp tokin


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## GanjaGuru

Circa 1978

I'm on my way to see a chick and as I pass by a park near the high school someone's waving at me and calling my name.
I pull over and I recongnize this guy, the younger brother of someone I knew, who was with 3 of his friends.
He comes up and says "Hey we're ditching school and there's a cop on his way--can you give us a lift back to school?"
"Sure" I said, "Hop in".
They didn't tell me that the cop was like right behind me, and before I pull off he's standing by my window.
"Turn the engine off" he says.
I do.
Then he makes us all get out and he takes down the kids names and sends them back to school.
I tell him what happened. He starts ripping up my van.
"What are you looking for?" I ask him.
"I'm looking for your dope" he says.
"How about if I tell you where it is and you stop ripping my van up?" I say "You're gonna find it anyway."
I tell him where a bag with 4 or 5 joints is.
"AHA!" the cops says.
 At the time, in Calof., simple poss. of less than an oz. is just a ticket.
However, I had no license in possession. I had one, but not on me.
In Calif, that's an arrestable offense. If you don't have an state-approved identity document proving who you are, they can arrest you. They usually don't but this guy was being a hard ass.
So I get arrested for no license in poss. and go to jail. I get out the next day--released OR as any upstanding career criminal should be--hitch hike back to my van and go home.
A few days later I check the local piss ass paper and there's a story--Suspected Pusher Nabbed and said that I was said suspected drug pusher.
I wasn't charged with sales, only ticketed for simple poss.
So I call the paper.
Turns out that someone had reported a guy in a van selling joints to school kids in the park. It wasn't me--in fact back in those days I was _buying _my pot from high-schoolers.
Anyway, I played the part of an outraged citizen unfaily slandered by an irresponsible media outlet.
I demanded a retraction--one was printed--and sued for $500.00, which was settled out of court for $350.00.

By the way, the reason I gave up the pot so easily is because I didn't want the cop to find the 1,000 quaaludes I had stashed under the back seat.


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## Dohc

Hey GG great stuff!!You are a experianced grower with all the know-how and you tell very good stories.I'm new to both this forum and growing my own weed.Glad to have a "guru" on site!


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## MarPassion

GG Thank for your great stories. Reading your stories is like watching a movie ... haha 

Thanks man.


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## GanjaGuru

Ode To Buffalo.

Buffalo was the best hiking dog a body could want.
Hiking and camping was so much a part of his life.  I went hiking with his mom when she was pregnant with him, and his first trip I carried him most of the way since he was too small of a pup to walk the entire way.
I like dogs.  And a dog is a guerilla growers best friend.  They can smell and hear much better than us people, make free deer-deturring droppings, and a person attracks a lot less leo attention when hiking.  Just a guy and his dog, no danger there.
Also, when camping way deep in the woods, a dog keeps bears and mountain lions, etc. away.
He was my companion for 17 years.
In '00, due to his age he was in pretty bad shape.  He was almost blind and there came a time when he could barely walk.  When ever I got up to do something he would try to get up to accompany me as he had done since a puppy but he would fall down, and look at me as if to say "I'm sorry".  Then it got to the point where he could no longer control his bladder or bowels.
It was time for him to go to that great big forest in the sky.
A friend and I met at my all-time favorite camping spot with Buffalo.  As Forest Service volunteers we had keys to the fire road and we could drive in.  I brought my another friends .45, with 2 dumdum bullets.
We sat around the campfire that night and gave Buffalo more petting than he had ever had before.  We talked about all the adventures we had experienced that Buffalo had been a part of.
And that night he slept in the tent with me instead of outside.

Now, I could have taken Buffalo to the vet and had him put to sleep.  But I wanted his last moments to be in an area he loved, instead of a steel slab in a stange place.

The next morning, when it was time, I couldn't do it.
It was my responsibility, but I loved him too much.  I knew it was a merciful thing that had to be done, but I just couldn't.  We carried Buffalo (not easy, since he weighed about 80 lbs.) about 1/4 miles to the edge of a meadow.
I handed the gun to my friend and said "2 shots in the eye, bam bam.  Wait 15 minutes" and I walked back to my van and drove off.

My friend showed up about 20 minutes later.  He was white and I could tell he had been crying, as I had been too.
All he said was "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

Buffalo wasn't buried.  My friend piled rocks on top of his body.  The reason I didn't want him buried was so other forest creatures could obtain nourishment from his remains.
I moved a few weeks later, and never returned.  But the following spring my friend planted some pot in the soil that Buffalo had nourished with his blood, flesh and bones.  He brought some of that pot up the next time he visited.

When I decieded to write this, I didn't think I'd cry.
But 6 years later, there is still hurt.  
I miss him so much.


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## GanjaGuru

I wanted to thank MarPassion for giving me the opportunity and bandwidth to share my stories.
I also wish to thank him for letting me post occasion political pieces.

I was anti-computer until I moved from a county of 8 million people to a county of 10,000. 
Having a computer has allowed me to share my growing knowledge.  It is my legacy.
Years after I'm dead and gone, someone who I helped to grow will in turn be helping someone else grow.

I'll tell you how much I love pot.
I have left instructions that when I die, I want to be cremated and my ashes mixed in with a friends next grow.  And then, when harvested, for him to get together with friends, get high and say nice things about me.

P.S.  When I moved up here in the middle of nowhere, I got a computer for 2 reasons.
One was simply to keep in touch with the outside world (I didn't know there were any cultivation websites at the time).
I gotta be honest though.  My other reason--free internet porn.


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## Themanwithnoname

GanjaGuru said:
			
		

> Ode To Buffalo.
> 
> Buffalo was the best hiking dog a body could want.
> Hiking and camping was so much a part of his life. I went hiking with his mom when she was pregnant with him, and his first trip I carried him most of the way since he was too small of a pup to walk the entire way.
> I like dogs. And a dog is a guerilla growers best friend. They can smell and hear much better than us people, make free deer-deturring droppings, and a person attracks a lot less leo attention when hiking. Just a guy and his dog, no danger there.
> Also, when camping way deep in the woods, a dog keeps bears and mountain lions, etc. away.
> He was my companion for 17 years.
> In '00, due to his age he was in pretty bad shape. He was almost blind and there came a time when he could barely walk. When ever I got up to do something he would try to get up to accompany me as he had done since a puppy but he would fall down, and look at me as if to say "I'm sorry". Then it got to the point where he could no longer control his bladder or bowels.
> It was time for him to go to that great big forest in the sky.
> A friend and I met at my all-time favorite camping spot with Buffalo. As Forest Service volunteers we had keys to the fire road and we could drive in. I brought my another friends .45, with 2 dumdum bullets.
> We sat around the campfire that night and gave Buffalo more petting than he had ever had before. We talked about all the adventures we had experienced that Buffalo had been a part of.
> And that night he slept in the tent with me instead of outside.
> 
> Now, I could have taken Buffalo to the vet and had him put to sleep. But I wanted his last moments to be in an area he loved, instead of a steel slab in a stange place.
> 
> The next morning, when it was time, I couldn't do it.
> It was my responsibility, but I loved him too much. I knew it was a merciful thing that had to be done, but I just couldn't. We carried Buffalo (not easy, since he weighed about 80 lbs.) about 1/4 miles to the edge of a meadow.
> I handed the gun to my friend and said "2 shots in the eye, bam bam. Wait 15 minutes" and I walked back to my van and drove off.
> 
> My friend showed up about 20 minutes later. He was white and I could tell he had been crying, as I had been too.
> All he said was "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
> 
> Buffalo wasn't buried. My friend piled rocks on top of his body. The reason I didn't want him buried was so other forest creatures could obtain nourishment from his remains.
> I moved a few weeks later, and never returned. But the following spring my friend planted some pot in the soil that Buffalo had nourished with his blood, flesh and bones. He brought some of that pot up the next time he visited.
> 
> When I decieded to write this, I didn't think I'd cry.
> But 6 years later, there is still hurt.
> I miss him so much.


 

one second...i have to get a tissue..


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## Insane

Guru I must say that as a Dog lover and Animal lover that really touches me, what you did for Buffalo to make him feel at home in his last moments, is nothing short of incredible.


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## FrostyNugz420

When is your Autobiography/Grow guide hitting the shelves Guru?

I'll be first in line that day!


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## GanjaGuru

A sincere thanks for allthe kind words, but as for a book--
To fill up a book I would have to post so much info that it wouldn't be all that hard for leo's to figure out who I am and where I live.
Although all the crimes I committed are past the statue of limitations and my grows now are 100% legal (as far as the state of Calif. is concerned) BUT I don't need extra attention.

Plus I'm lazy.  However if your an attractive young lady with large breasts and willing to take dictation, feel free to PM me  .


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## GanjaGuru

Kharma Strikes Again.

My friend and I once grew alongside a stream in a remote side canyon that hadn't been traveled for at least 3 years.
We had 3 7' tall Mowie Wowie plants ready and we went out to harvest and found someone had ripped us off.
They cut off all the branches.  8 months of careful care, 2x/week visits which cost us lots of gas and 3 hours r/t hard hiking to water, and the rippers didn't even leave us a joint.  We did some looking around and found a pile of mostly junk and a primitive campsite a few hundred yards further downstream.
It hurt more than just not having pot to smoke.  Some of that pot was gonna go towards putting a new roof on my dad's house, and buy my neice who had gone off to college a car.
To make it an even more miserable trip, we found our tent, stashed in the bush's a few miles away, where we camped, had been stolen.

Fast forward 4 months...

Me and Paul are camped out (with a spare piece-of-shit tent) when 2 guys in a pick-up come down the road.
They walk over and I ask "how did you guys get in past the locked gate?" and they said they had filed a gold claim and had aquired the key for access to their claim.

Me and my buddy sat quitely and listened as they bragged about their explots, which included finding and stealing 3 pot plants they found in a side canyon they had made a primitive camp near.

They left a few hours later.

My friend and I discussed doing something (now that we had the license plate #).  My friend wanted to "**** them up" but I told him "let kharma take care of 'em".

Fast forward 2 weeks...
Me and Paul hike in and find the pick-up there with a flat tire and those 2 guys not around.  We spent the night and when I got back I called my boss at the Forest Service to report an abandoned vehicle.  It turns out the Forest Service found out those guys had warrants and arrested them.  My boss said they would get someone to haul the truck out in a week or so.

We went back out the next day and checked out the truck.  There was a generator, a dredge, shovels, fishing & camping equip., etc.  And guess what else we found?
Our tent.
In the back of their truck.
Now, I'm not into taking stuff that doesn't belong to me.  However I have nothing against TELLING someone about something, so when we got back (my friend took a pair of binocs) I called up friends and told them about the abandoned vehicle full of goodies.

I later talked to the Forest Service and they said the truck had been cleaned out by the time they got around to removing it.


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## FrostyNugz420

> Plus I'm lazy. However if your an attractive young lady with large breasts and willing to take dictation, feel free to PM me  .


 well im not either one of those things but i will gladly find someone who is if thats what it takes


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## GanjaGuru

Everyone knows Ramen.
Compact, cheap and tasty, it's ideal for backpacking.  And since backpacking and gureilla growing go hand-in-hand, I've eaten my share.
One Mem. Day weekend I was solo backpacking in the Sespe Gorge outside of L.A.
I met and ended up camping near 4 college freshmen.
They were beginning vegatarians.  They had all brought food and it turned out the ONLY thing they brought was Ramen.
Vegatable flavored Ramen, that's all they had.
Breakfast lunch and dinner, Ramen Ramen Ramen.

I had planned to go hiking with a friend, but at the last minute his wife threw a tantrum and he cancelled, so I had extra food in my pack.
I had rice, beans, and crackers, all permitted for vegans.
But I also had a can of chicken, a can of tuna, and beef jerky.
The 3rd night I noticed how they looked longingly at my goods.  I wasn't planning to bring back the extra food, so I offered it to them.
Well they forgot all about the vegatarian diet and scarfed everything I had that contained meat.  
That trip was notable for another reason:
A guy and his g/f hiked in with their 2 big dogs.
The trail was 8 miles each way, through rolling hills and then a STEEP descent into the Gorge.  The trail was very rocky.
When they got into the Gorge they noticed that the sharp rocks on the trail had cut their dogs feet up.
There was no way the dogs could walk out.
So the guy and the girl emptied their packs of lanterns sleeping bags, tent, cooking gear--everything--put a dog in each pack (the dogs weighed between 60--80 lbs each) and headed up that killer trail, difficult even if you weren't carrying a pack at all.
After the ascent they had to stop and rest for the night before continuing the remaining 5 miles.  A passing hiker donated his $200.00 leather jacket and they cut it up and sewed padded booties for the dogs.  The next morning the girl continued back to the trailhead with the dogs, the guy hiked back into the gorge with the empty packs, filled them up and hiked out wearing one and carrying the other.


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## Themanwithnoname

mmmmmmmmm I think im going to eat some ramen right now...


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## GanjaGuru

This happened about 20 years ago:
While visiting a girl--Sherry I had recently met, I noticed a pot plant in the back yard, in a planter, about 4" tall.  Sherry said it was her roommate Deena's plant.
Well it just so happened that I had two pot plants at home, one 7"tall, one 10" tall, in the exact same kind of containers.
So I enlisted Sherry's help to play a harmless practical joke on Deena.
I had Sherry ask Deena if she'd like to try this amazing plant nutrient I had, which produced giant pot plants and had been given to me by an Indian shaman.
She said sure and I brought over a small container of plain old chicken shit and told Deena that this was the magic potion that produce phenominal growth.
She used it that night, and the next day while Deena was at work, I switched her 4" plant with my 7" one.
I went back over later and Deena went on and on about how much her plant grew overnight.  I told her I was just about out myself, and I had to pick up some from the shaman the next day or so.
There was only enough for one more dose so I told Deena to use it again the next night.
She did, and while she was at work again I switched the 7" plant with the 10" one.
Deena was so jazzed--until I went back over and told her I was having a hard time locating the shaman.
The next day I told her that the shaman had died and there would be no more magic nutrient.
2 days later I went over and switched the tallest one for the medium one, and 2 days after that I replaced it with her original small plant.

No harm no foul, but Sherry and I had a good laugh over it.
And as far as I know Deena never caught on to what had actually happened.


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## MarPassion

That's a funny story GG.  I was laughing my eyes out here behind my computer.


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## Insane

Hahaha yeah I bet she still wonders about that "miracle nutrient" from the "shaman"


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## Themanwithnoname

where can i get some "chicken Shit"


hahaha


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## GanjaGuru

Me and a friend were driving around in the mountains early 1 morning and stop at a picnic area to use the outhouse.
The picnic area is also a trailhead, and there was an area next to a canyon wall where people who were going to hike would park their cars.
So I'm sitting in my van waiting for my friend to use the restroom when I notice something.
One of those cars had the windshield busted out, with a large rock sitting right next to the car.
I quickly scoped out the sitch--a rock (about 2 x the size of a basketball) had become dislodged during the night, came tumbling down the canyon wall and just happened, as bad luck would have it, to hit the windshield of the car, and the hiker was gonna have an unpleasent surprize when he got back from his hike.
Immediently I got an idea.
Now, there was nothing I could do to rectify the situation. The damage had already been done.
But that's no reason why I couldn't have a little fun, right?
So, after checking that there was no one else around, I wrote a note, left it under the one remaining windshield wiper, and went home.
The note?
It read "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR FLIPPING ME OFF ON THE FREEWAY *******."

I know I need help.


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## Insane

LOL, no ganja actually in that situation I would've done precisely the same thing, so if you need help, then so do I.


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## SmokeStar21

I loved the story too.  The lengths one man will go for all that weed is inspiring.  It brought a tear to my eye(just kidding). Anyway I loved it just thought I would let you know.


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## godspeedsuckah

:bump:  Anyone who hasn't read these stories really should. You will laugh and cry lol.


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## HippyInEngland

I have read these before several months ago, what got me is I would click on the members names who posted a reply and see when they were last active, most have been inactive for over 2 years, why the sudden departure? what are they doing? where are they now? are they still growing? etc, totally vanished into a sea of blurred memories and long forgotten words left on a site.


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## Mutt

Some went there own way, other's may have been busted, no telling. some of em I miss.


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## HippyInEngland

You have been here a long time Mutt, you remember old names, when you first started here was it a more boistrous site? is it calmer now?


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## tcbud

i recognized a few of those who posted but very few, got halfway thu it and was wondering about all the comenters, who the heck were they? one of the last posts was MP, agree with him i do.   I also agree with GangaGuru *Mountains, computer, and Free porn, lol, could life get any better?  Great Thread Hippy, thank you.


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## Hick

ganja guru is dead.. 
 Ashes to ashes.. ganja would have been honored to decompose and provide nutrition to a fine guerilla garden


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## HippyInEngland

Not much more you can say to that apart from burn 1 up for all past members living and dead, we tread where they left footprints.


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## godspeedsuckah

Hick said:
			
		

> ganja guru is dead..
> Ashes to ashes.. ganja would have been honored to decompose and provide nutrition to a fine guerilla garden



He and his dog are camping out near an awesome patch he is getting ready to harvest! I hope his death was peaceful and painless.


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## ugmjfarmer

RIP GanaGuru. I enjoyed your stories much. Even though I just arrived, find peace my friend. I'll meet you there when my time comes.


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## Sebstarr

If he could have only published a book, then these stories would be part of his memory. 

If there was a way to bring you back GG, I would, because it is people like you that make this world worth living in. A person who could make us laugh, cry, smile and _feel_, through just the stories of his life.

R.I.P. Man, I don't know you, and sadly I never will get the chance, but wherever you are, i hope you're happy. And let it stay that way.


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## maineharvest

I want to read some more!!!!  I hate reading but I love reading real life stories that I can relate too.  

We need a thread dedicated to short stories.   I have some crazy stories and Im sure everyone else does to, but Im just not a story teller.  

I have stacks of books that i have been meaning to read for years, but I cant read something im not interested in.  I could sit and read these stories for hours.  Somebody write some more.  Please!!!


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## godspeedsuckah

I am going to keep digging up GG's stories and bump some of them back. I read one about a friend of his who ripped him off. Instead of getting angry and hurting the guy he just cut him out of his life nicely. "karma" reared its ugly head and his exfriend is now living with a woman who HATES pot and he has to beg for scraps. Reading GG's stories I see someone of great wisdom, humility, kindness and patience. This world could use a little more GG to go around!


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## Dizzy

Great storys man sorry bout buffalo man


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## Mutt

HippyInEngland said:
			
		

> You have been here a long time Mutt, you remember old names, when you first started here was it a more boistrous site? is it calmer now?


 You want the story here it is....from my persepctive....
Rasta, WeedDog, Skunk, Insane, GanjaGuru and Hick (the only mod). MarP of course ran it. PranicFever joined the same time I did...(remember those were "active" members...some other peeps were "inactive") Then Stoneybud joined shortly after. I was just getting into forums...and went through a couple i just didn't like the feel. This one was on page 17 on a google search :rofl: 
I figured what the hell...
I started yackin with skunk, hick, insane, rasta, weeddog, Pranic and stoneybud...all of em stand-offish just us checkin each other out (seein if everyone was cool)....then this dude....decided to come over and give us luagh outa luagh...(the Brother's Grunt) ask him about the "hermie executiuon" sometime  . We would post anything that would come to mind. No rules, except our "unwritten ones". Be chill, be cool, and be respectful. But we did pick on each other pretty rough. LOL
Then OG went down.............
MP's member base triple in two weeks. All it was "HOLY CRAP!!!!"
So rules and a direction had to be set...thus the mods were made mods. Hick helped build this place, he hand selected all of the mods to make it what it is. Remember Hick and MarP built the foundation...but peeps (ones i have in my mind very specifically) made this place by being valuable members each in there own way. I don't mean the ones that can grow...the ones that help set the tone.  and I see more coming aboard as time goes on .
Peace
:48:


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## stoner

i just want to say if you made the first story into a movie id watch it lol


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## BigTree420

stoner said:
			
		

> i just want to say if you made the first story into a movie id watch it lol


 
me 2! lol all of the stories are very entertaining and im lovin sittin back puffin and reading them...wish he was still here to give us some more! RIP GG


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## trillions of atoms

hes dead?!!!!


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## BigTree420

yea! i just figured it out lastnight


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## Sebstarr

Hick said:
			
		

> ganja guru is dead..
> Ashes to ashes.. ganja would have been honored to decompose and provide nutrition to a fine guerilla garden



It looks that way... TOA...


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## rodwv

way to stick it to the man.well done


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## rodwv

way to go thats how you stick to the man


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## nvthis

Bumped and respects payed.

Cool read, well worth the spare 5 minutes. I know it's all old and whatever and I don't usually get bored enough to surf this far back but... Very touching, a fairly deep and thought provoking thread. Like a story within a story within a story. I never spoke with him, but he seems the kind that could reach out and touch a person, no matter where they were. Don't know what else to say 'cept I'll smoke my next in your honor 

GanjaGuru:   Last Activity: 06-23-2006 12:19 PM


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## hottip

I think you missed your calling. You write better than Tom Clancy. Loved it all.


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## Smot_poker

i gotta pay my respects to this guy. 

even though i may never know you GG, rest in peace knowing that your stories have touched me in a very special way. it's not every day that i'm brought to tears from writing.


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## OGKushman

awesome read. simply put...ganjaguru you are a great writer.

too bad:


> Last Activity: 06-23-2006 11:19 AM


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## Alistair

I've never read any part of this thread before, very interesting stories.


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## smokingjoe

Good Read, RIP GG.


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## dman1234

Ceck out this guy on youtube

Brown dirt warrior

13 episodes, watch them in order its excellent.

hxxp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdR790TDoyA

xx-------tt


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## DLtoker

That was some great entertainment.  Thanks.


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## 2Dog

doesnt seem worth it to risk your life for mj..I couldnt help but think that while I was reading it.  I backpack and have gone in quite a ways but what you did was crazy.What if you had broken a leg or neck? The golden rule is never go into the woods alone. I am not trying to criticize but I dont even know you but I feel protective I dont want some dude to kill you. I have had bears come into my camp with dogs in it. Please be careful bro. I would have used some of that bud to bribe someone to stay with me. There my maternal mom instinct has been spent. lol


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## nvthis

Dog, unfortunately GG has already gone to that big smokeroom in the sky. It is a sad commentary to report that we are enjoying these writings posthumously.


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## 2Dog

OMG.......jesus. r u serious? cause when I read it I felt such a strong urge to protect that person..from themselves ironicly. Man rip.


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## UCanDoIt

If I missed it during my read on this topic...what happened to GG?

I am SOOOOOO sorry if I missed it while reading from the exact begining 

Great stories and GREAT FAMILY, to keep this alive:woohoo:


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## 420benny

No one has said how he passed. I too, loved his stories. I would have loved to have gone camping with him. I could have listened to him for hours on end, for sure. RIP GG


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## blowslow23

RIP GG those were some great stories


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## mojavemama

GanjaGuru's stories are better than those in the Howard Marks book "Dope Stories." I'm bumping this thread again because it's just so awesome to read. I'm with Benny--how I would have enjoyed sitting by a campfire listening to him tell these stories. I'm still weeping from the dog story...


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## leafminer

Interesting to read those old stories. Made me think; I own a small press. One of these days I will see if I can get enough great stoner stories to make a book. If ppl like the idea I will tell my own story about the great Holland smuggling adventure.


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## mojavemama

Here's another one of GG's I found from back in 2005:

I live a 10-minute walk from one of the premier trout fishing rivers in the Pacific Northwest--The Trinity River.
Last December a few weeks before x-mas, I got a hankering to go fishin'.
A neighbor is an avid fisherman and he supplies me with all the fresh-caught trout & salmon I want, and I hadn't been fishing all year.
So I hadn't bought a license for '04. I called the only store within 20 miles and they were all out of 3 and 5 day license's; all they had left were a few yearly ones (which expires 12/31).
Well, I didn't want to pay for an entire year to fish once. Where I fish is pretty remote so I decieded to fish anyway.
So I put my pocket fisherman in my backpack, grab a bucket (I like to keep the fish alive until just before I cook them) and head off for the river.

I had pretty good luck and within 2 hours I had 3 plump 14" 'bows swimming around in the bucket.
I figure that's enough, so I put my pocket fisherman back in my pack, grab the bucket to go home, when a Fish And Game guy drives up in a truck.
Uh-oh.

He sees me and walks up.
"I don't see a fishing license" he says.
"I don't have one" I say.
"Do you know what the fine is for fishing without a license?"
I had to think fast.
"Oh, I wasn't fishing."
He looks down into the bucket at the 3 trout then back at me.
"Those are my pet fish" I said.
"Say what?"
"Yeah I keep them at home in a tank, and every once in awhile I feel they're homesick so I bring 'em down here, let 'em swim around in the river while I smoke a cigarette, then I whistle and they jump back into the bucket and I take 'em home."
"Yeah right."
"Look, I'll prove it" I say. I empty the fish into the river and sit down on a rock and light a cig.
When I finish the cig I get up and start to leave.
"Hey when are you gonna call them back?" he says.
"Call who back?" I say.
"The FISH" he says.
I say "WHAT fish?" and leave.
   *
 Heartwarming Christmas Story

This sounds made-up, but I swear on a stack of ganja it's 100% true.
It happened about 15 or so years ago. I was home for the holday's.
Christmas was on a Monday that year; I arrived Fri. nite. I planned to meet up with old friends Sat. night and party.
So Sat. afternoon my folks go out to do some last-minute shopping. I stay home and cook up a big batch of happy brownies. I left them on the counter to cool, intending to come back in like a half-hour or so and put the pan of brownies in the trunk of my car.
However, a friend stopped by with some KILLER ganja and we got wasted. I forget about the brownies. We drove over to see another friend and the guys car breaks down (master brake cylinder). We spent the next 3 hours fixing it.
Now, what I did not know was that my folks were having a bunch of people from their church over that night (old people, so the gathering took place starting at 7 p.m.).
It's this church thing called a Circle. It's like 7 church ladies and 4 church gentlemen. They get togteher once a month at different people's houses and around Christmas-time have a "Secret Santa" thing where they exchange gifts. They mainly sit around and gossip.
So people arrive and they bring cake and cookies and stuff like that.
They put thier baked goodies on the counter. Righjt next to my brownies.
So after like an hour of gossiping they pray and hit the goodies. Everyone thought the someone in the Circle brought the brownies.
They partake liberally, washing it down with coffee and tea.

I get home like around 8:30 p.m.
I walk into the living room. My mom was jamming on the organ (something she raely did with company) and everyone's singing and happy and dancing around and laughing.
I go in the kitchen and there's no more brownies.
They partied heartily. I blew off the party I had planned to go to so I could sorta "keep an eye" out, make sure no one tried to drive home baked, etc.

I never told them. I remember my mom and dad talking then next day about how much fun they had at the Circle. "Best one ever" my dad said.
   *


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## tcbud

thank you mojave.....


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## nvthis

BigO said:
			
		

> so you are a thief stay out of my house
> thats all i need to know about you hometown
> did you tell your mom about you stealling from a court house


 
Yeah, don't think he can hear ya. Might try reading the _whole_ thread....


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## nouvellechef

RIP, GG. Hope you spent your last days happy. Loved the stories! Thankyou


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## sundancer245

BigO said:
			
		

> so you are a thief stay out of my house
> thats all i need to know about you hometown
> did you tell your mom about you stealling from a court house


 


yeah i think he will be staying out of your house ...sheesh


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## SicSativa

I got to put down my Bullmastif,Jezzebelle, She has cancer its getting bad.


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## CaliWizard

Props on this thread.


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## godspeedsuckah

Since I have been here I have enjoyed GG's stories from time to time; RIP GG. I especially like the fish story LMAO!!


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## legalize_freedom

Thanks for bumping this up MM, first time I have seen anything from this guy, I wish I would have had the chance to rap with him...good stuff!  Thank you!


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