# Aspiring writers, story tellers, and readers; HODGEPODGE



## Gone2pot! (Jan 31, 2010)

Ok, here's an idea that goes on and on. YOU write into the story. Give it twists and turns, any genre. Mix it up for fun. Mystery, sci-fi, romance, horror, comedy...whatever. Just obey site rules.  
Add one word or add several pages. 

I'll start with:

Ouch! That's the third time today I bumped into that darn


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## ArtVandolay (Jan 31, 2010)

> Ouch! That's the third time today I bumped into that darn



bearded lady.  I think she's...


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## Gone2pot! (Jan 31, 2010)

Got a crush on me. I saw her at Starbucks yesterday too. I almost couldn't drink my


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## ArtVandolay (Jan 31, 2010)

half caff half decaff caramel macchiato skim latte.  I didn't mean to stare at her


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## Gone2pot! (Jan 31, 2010)

But her beard was amazing! It reminded me of


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## ozzydiodude (Jan 31, 2010)

my old dog fluffy, but her breath


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## ArtVandolay (Jan 31, 2010)

my dog's behind.  But it was the tin foil hat that attracted my attention.  I wanted to ask her


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## dragracer (Jan 31, 2010)

to shave


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## ozzydiodude (Jan 31, 2010)

ArtVandolay said:
			
		

> my dog's behind. But it was the tin foil hat that attracted my attention. I wanted to ask her


what her sign was. Then I saw her


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## ArtVandolay (Jan 31, 2010)

ozzydiodude said:
			
		

> what her sign was. Then I saw her



face.  Now I'm a believer.  Not a trace of doubt in my mind.


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## ozzydiodude (Jan 31, 2010)

She's a true blond and I don't want to


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## Gone2pot! (Jan 31, 2010)

That is tin foil, but why? And why is she stalking me?


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## Gone2pot! (Jan 31, 2010)

I don't want to look anymore but


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## ArtVandolay (Jan 31, 2010)

Gone2pot! said:
			
		

> I don't want to look anymore but



I think she's receiving secret messages from the mother ship.  But why does she look so


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## ozzydiodude (Jan 31, 2010)

ready and willing to dance with a


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## Gone2pot! (Jan 31, 2010)

Telephone post?


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## ArtVandolay (Jan 31, 2010)

To intercept the alien transmissions, of course.  And who knew telephone posts could


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## Gone2pot! (Jan 31, 2010)

Sparkle?


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## ozzydiodude (Jan 31, 2010)

In the hazy fog of yesterday we dance til the mothership arived, them left our bodies in the sands of


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## Gone2pot! (Jan 31, 2010)

Jamaica. The sun was warm, the drinks were cold. Finally I stood up from the beach and brushed off the sand that clung to me. I needed to walk, but instead I just stood there. Confused but oddly content. I wanted


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## SmokinMom (Jan 31, 2010)

to get rid of my stalker but I was still curious.  Finally I decided to hide behind..


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## monkeybusiness (Jan 31, 2010)

my ego and insult all i encountered that day. Then i noticed


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## SmokinMom (Feb 1, 2010)

tomato stuck to it.  I pulled them back into place when all of the sudden out the corner of my red eye I saw..


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## ozzydiodude (Feb 1, 2010)

the Swedish bikini team coming at me with a


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 1, 2010)

Someone walking toward me waving a


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## SmokinMom (Feb 1, 2010)

i cant decide which to do so I drive off


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 1, 2010)

In a


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## ozzydiodude (Feb 1, 2010)

In hope a hooker is around the corner that accepts


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 1, 2010)

Visa because


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## ozzydiodude (Feb 1, 2010)

the wife had the rest of my charge cards. Now I set here stuck to the seats


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 1, 2010)

Watching and waiting. Where is that Swedish bikini team? Maybe I should just go up to the snack bar to look for


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## Alistair (Feb 1, 2010)

the bearded lady, because she just asked for you and was wondering...


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## ArtVandolay (Feb 1, 2010)

why you were wearing a tin foil hat, too.


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 1, 2010)

Maybe I'm her contact person, maybe she needs to talk to me to get answers, I might need to talk to her! What if


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## PencilHead (Feb 1, 2010)

she is actually me?


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## Chewbongo (Feb 1, 2010)

And if thats true, which one of us is the real me, and and what happens if i touch her and we


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 1, 2010)

Meld into one. I'm a little scared but I feel compelled to find out what's going on. Maybe I'm just getting a fever. I decide to lay Down and take a nap. As I'm walking toward what must be my room I notice a note on my door. It was stuck, but fell to the carpet when I opened the door. I turned on a lamp and sat down go read it. It was in lipstick and it said


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## PencilHead (Feb 1, 2010)

"You know how to whistle, don't you?  Just put your lips together and...


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## Chewbongo (Feb 1, 2010)

"BOOM" my door flew of the hinges, and i was sent hurling towards the wall. I could barely hold my head up when they came walking in, slow and confident as if


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## PencilHead (Feb 1, 2010)

it would be light work for these punks.  It woulda, but I reached inside my coat and showed them...


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## dirtyolsouth (Feb 1, 2010)

PencilHead said:
			
		

> it would be light work for these punks. It woulda, but I reached inside my coat and showed them...



how my unit had been brutally blown off - tattered and torn - many years ago in a brewery explosion.  And all these years later I still hate


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## PencilHead (Feb 1, 2010)

these military/industrial/sex-toy complex Pabst-Blue-Ribbon-drinking  goons.  I showed them, showed them who still had a nice set of cahones under that tatered unit.  I said, "Read this and weep, you...


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## dirtyolsouth (Feb 1, 2010)

:rofl: 



			
				PencilHead said:
			
		

> these military/industrial/sex-toy complex Pabst-Blue-Ribbon-drinking  goons.  I showed them, showed them who still had a nice set of cahones under that tatered unit.  I said, "Read this and weep, you...



worthless puds! NOW you're gonna get what's been coming to you for a very long time!"  I slowly turned around and reached across the greasy counter past the stainless steel coffee grinder and


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 1, 2010)

Felt a Rush as my fingers wrapped around


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## Chewbongo (Feb 1, 2010)

the wrist of the bearded lady! I stared into her eyes, and she stared back with a cold intense look, as she wiped a crumb from her beard, and


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 1, 2010)

Put her finger to her lips to warn me to be quiet. She reached into her amazing beard and pulled out a tiny weapon. So that's what all the tin foil was about! This was about the size of a small squirt gun and looked to be made of pure shaped and squished tin foil. Nothing else. She slipped her hair behind her fat ears and listened for a moment. Quick as a flash she stood and fired off several almost silent shots. Shhhpt, shhhpt, the goons fell. All of them. Then she grabbed my arm and said


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## ArtVandolay (Feb 1, 2010)

"head for the mother ship"!  But it was too late.


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## Alistair (Feb 1, 2010)

"We have something to show you, and for that you must come with us for awhile in order to work this out.  In the meantime, not a peep from you or else..."


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## Alistair (Feb 1, 2010)

"Or else what?"  "You see that man sitting out in the car? Well, let's not keep him waiting."


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 1, 2010)

Now I'm sick with fear. I can feel the sweat dripping into my eyes, stinging them and blinding me. Run, she said. Run before


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## Locked (Feb 1, 2010)

it's too late...I am afraid they hve begun preparing a battery acid enema for you...things are


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## wmmeyer (Feb 1, 2010)

...looking up.  The last battery acid enema I had really did the trick.  But I couldn't let on to them.  So, I reached in my pocket and...


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## Locked (Feb 1, 2010)

pulled out a tissue to wipe the non existent tears from my eyes...at that moment I realized they had splached my taint with battery acid and I found this


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## wmmeyer (Feb 1, 2010)

gave me the sudden burst of energy I needed right then.  I grabbed the bearded lady and we ran up the stairs...


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## ozzydiodude (Feb 1, 2010)

into the arm of a polar bear looking man, Without a thought I drove for the


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## dirtyolsouth (Feb 1, 2010)

chunnel and I thought we were finally on our way to London.  The bearded lady then carefully passed out tin foil hats and announced in a wry tone: "You THINK you're going to London."  She then let out a demonic giggle and within moments we


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## ArtVandolay (Feb 1, 2010)

were on the Train a Grande Vitesse for Paris.  I don't want to go to Paris!


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## ozzydiodude (Feb 1, 2010)

It wasn't til we got to Paris, that I realized the tin foil hats were made like the top of the Eiffel Tower. We got on the lift and started on our


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## dirtyolsouth (Feb 2, 2010)

ozzydiodude said:
			
		

> It wasn't til we got to Paris, that I realized the tin foil hats were made like the top of the Eiffel Tower. We got on the lift and started on our



way up.  The mussels in vin de blanc I had at that bistro was doing somersaults in my stomach all the way up the tower.  Even with the nervous energy and the smell of death in the air we couldn't help but notice the Eiffel Tower's gentle, graceful and timeless curves. Once the lift stopped the door opened and our tin foil hats were...

Illustration Title:  

_Orders from the Mother Ship_


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## ozzydiodude (Feb 2, 2010)

dirtyolsouth said:
			
		

> way up. The mussels in vin de blanc I had at that bistro was doing somersaults in my stomach all the way up the tower. Even with the nervous energy and the smell of death in the air we couldn't help but notice the Eiffel Tower's gentle, graceful and timeless curves. Once the lift stopped the door opened and our tin foil hats were...
> 
> Illustration Title:
> 
> _Orders from the Mother Ship_


 
glowing a weird shade of blue. The breaded lady grabbed my hand as the Eiffel tower came ablaze in blue and a beam shot to the


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## PencilHead (Feb 2, 2010)

Pabst Brewery where I had met heartache years ago.  I said, "See that, Fat Lady?  That's where I...


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## ArtVandolay (Feb 2, 2010)

Department of Defense mind control satellite.


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 2, 2010)

Who knew that the Pabst Brewery was a portal to the Department of Defence Mind Control Satillite, and did the fat lady work for the Department of Defense or


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## monkeybusiness (Feb 2, 2010)

was she really just a thin woman smuggling kegs of PBR back to her house. It left me wondering if..


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## PencilHead (Feb 2, 2010)

she was under the mind control of the evil brewmaster, the man who had ravaged my generals for nothing more than laughs and small piece of...


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## Chewbongo (Feb 2, 2010)

pizza, and it didnt even have pepperonis.


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## umbra (Feb 2, 2010)

I knew that once the elevator doors opened, it was going to be hard to blend in with the crowd. My mind was thinking how best to disguise the fat lady. Suddenly as the elevator doors opened, it jolted me from my deep thoughts. We were inundated with school children. All screaming and running around, trying to make their way onto the elevator to go back down to the street. I knew this was our chance. I tried to grab the fat lady's hand. It was so much larger than mine. It was as if it was swollen and sore. The fat was so extensive that she had a very limited range of motion in all of her fingers and hands. So I did the only thing that I could think of, I grabbed her by the beard and started running. First we made it passed all the children and then all the other people waiting to use the elevator. I could see everyone staring as I dragged the fat lady by the beard to a small side door marked do not enter. I said, "this is where they are adding the mind control elixir so the satellite can link directly to your most inner thoughts". The fat lady turned to me and said, " someone else concocted this same STRANGE BREW with a canadian beer company didn't they?" I said "Yes. Two brothers saved their favorite beer and the world." The look on the fat lady's face was so sad, but we had no time


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## ArtVandolay (Feb 2, 2010)

Great White North, eh?  Drink Molsons.  Take off, what a hoser, that fat lady, eh?  As long as we're in Canada, we should visit The Possum Lodge.


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## PencilHead (Feb 2, 2010)

She knew the score, knew the old cliche: If I tell you, I gotta kill you.  She begged me not to, but I had no choice, a cliche is a cliche--I dropped an ice pick in her right ear, rolled her still writhing body under a convienient bed.  There was a convienient fire escape just outside a convienient window so I...


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## Chewbongo (Feb 2, 2010)

made a break for it. I jumped off the convenient bed, through the convenient window, and on to the convenient fire escape. As i made my way to the bottom i began to hear a loud clanging noise above my head. It was the fat lady, she was still alive and tryin to squeeze through the convenient window.Lol, just like Whinnie the Poo i thought to myself, then the frame of the convenient window started collapsing around her and


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## ArtVandolay (Feb 2, 2010)

...down the rabbit hole we went.


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## dman1234 (Feb 2, 2010)

Ran down the fire escape and headed straight to the house my 2 brothers share, when i got there both my brothers, Bob and Doug, were in the middle of trimming some...


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## Chewbongo (Feb 2, 2010)

fabric to make a dress for the fat lady.


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## umbra (Feb 2, 2010)

some bubba kush. Ever since the first time I smoked bubba, I have been unable to think of anything else. Kapow! The front door exploded as the fat lady forced her way through the doorway. My brothers and I, jump to our feet and we...


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## umbra (Feb 2, 2010)

understand that for the first time in our lives...we all shared the epiphany together...that in order to save our PBR and our world...we would have to save the fat lady...because all of our lives, we were told over and over again... I dont mean just once or twice...it was drilled in our head day and night... that its never over until the fat lady sings.


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 2, 2010)

Well she wasn't ready to sing yet but the glub blubbish sound of her wheezing breath as air fought with blood for access into her lungs.  The ice pick hung at  an obscene angle from her ear. My hand was itching to yank the ice pick. Instead I


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## PencilHead (Feb 3, 2010)

killed a man in Reno just to watch him die.  I wouldn't say it was cathartic, but I would say I felt...


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 3, 2010)

Started running thru my head. Why Johnny Cash's Folsom Prison Blues was playing in my mind I don't know. Maybe a warning. Nope, the alarm clock! Wow, what a wired dream. 
I rolled out of bed and


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## astrobud (Feb 3, 2010)

started a new day hopefully without grimlins


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## ozzydiodude (Feb 3, 2010)

well that my story or the end of a very bad dream, Must have been the pizza. Wonder if I could get another slice, maybe this time with mushrooms


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 4, 2010)

I'm going to call my ex, Sandra, and see if she will bring some 'shrooms or something over. Who knows, today might actually


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## umbra (Feb 4, 2010)

be the day I say i"m, gonna...


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## umbra (Feb 4, 2010)

shrooms I canb say I'm  F'up right now. fo sho


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## umbra (Feb 4, 2010)

Gone2pot! said:
			
		

> I'm going to call my ex, Sandra, and see if she will bring some 'shrooms or something over. Who knows, today might actually


now tharts funnioy.,lol


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## PencilHead (Feb 4, 2010)

umbra said:
			
		

> be the day I say i"m, gonna...


 
go by my homeboy Umbra's crib, see what he's whacked on.  He always says things like: Thart's funnyoiy," when he's torched.  If he can give me a...


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 5, 2010)

Taste of what he had for "breakfast", I'll be set for the day! I need a good laugh and Umbra


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## umbra (Feb 5, 2010)

I apologize for that. I dont get like that very often.:hubba:


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## Gone2pot! (Feb 10, 2010)

It's all good.


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## PencilHead (Feb 15, 2010)

sex with that hermit crab who'd been eyeing me but decided I was way to drunk to even be posting on a marijuana forum or something like that.  I knew there was a telephone pole over by Art's shed that had my number, even when I was drunk, stoned and prosey.  I picked the crab up, said, " Hey, sweetheart, you wanna go...


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## Locked (Feb 15, 2010)

Crabbing? I got a cpl crab traps in the trunk of my car and I am jonesin for some crab meat....The hermit crab got angry with me and..


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## nvthis (Feb 15, 2010)

..pulled out a .45 that was hidden in her shell. I was caught off guard and rather astonished at the quickness and accuracy of my little hermit friend. Luckily the piece was the super tiny youth model, perfect for hiding in sea shells or up your nose. when I gave her a quizzical look after the clip was empty, she huffed and began digging around in her shell once more. Well, I had had enough of that and wasn't in the mood for anymore nasty little surprizes, so I cocked back my arm and....


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## Locked (Feb 15, 2010)

hit her with a Power Elbow...right to the top of her head...cracking her shell....she let out a wail and said...


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## nvthis (Feb 15, 2010)

"OUCH!" as she went down hard, like a ton of bricks. Ok, maybe like an ounce of bricks, but she still went down hard. When she hit the pavement several copies of Play Crab and Pentshell spilled out her makeshift home. My little hermit was a nymphomaniac! Thoughts began to race through my head. I wondered, beyond good fortune, if maybe she liked the rough stuff. But that thought was cut short, because just then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw...


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## PencilHead (Feb 16, 2010)

another crab--a big crab.  A king crab.  The king of crabs.  He wore a sequened white jump-suit and several pairs of patent leather pumps.  Around his stumpy crab neck was a enough gold to make a Mr. Tee Starter Kit.  On one bejeweled claw was...


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## budiholi (Feb 16, 2010)

to just walk out to where the surf was breaking and sit down watchthe sun go to its nightly home and burn a big fattie but wouldnt you know it the bearded lady done went and ripped me off for my kush


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## nvthis (Feb 16, 2010)

A tattoo. Or something that looked like... A tattoo. I don't know how they did it, but there it was. The closer he got, the more I could make out. A map!! Ohh, to have gone through all the work to tattoo a map on something as hard as a crab shell... Well, it _must_ lead to something good.. Suddenly, I knew my destiny. I will have that map! I was abruptly shaken from day dreams of deserted islands and buried treasure chests when the king crab openned his crabby mouth and said...


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## ArtVandolay (Feb 16, 2010)

that bearded lady has a treasure chest, too :hubba:.  In fact...


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## ozzydiodude (Feb 16, 2010)

til you find the Key to her treasure chest, the mystery behind my King's mark will never be


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## nvthis (Feb 16, 2010)

"But back to da issue at han. Yo stinky, this is my turf. If any crablett's gonna get a beat down, it'll be by my claw. Anyone who thinks they can just come up in here on my street an' start takin' over got's ta deal wit me!" As sureal as all this was, I barely had time to ponder as his bulgey crab eyes flickered and he swung his massive...


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## budiholi (Feb 17, 2010)

and as he swung his claw i got the pot out and added some crab boil


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## PencilHead (Feb 17, 2010)

and rolled a big ol' pot and crab-boil doob.  I sparked the doob, passed it to the soon to be sedate crustacean.  While he was distracted, I said, "Yo, King, what's up with the map on your claw?  What's it lead to?   He looked at me like I'd asked if gravity had been suspended for the day or something.  Then he said, "Red Lobster, of course.  It's retribution time, Holmes.  I'm gonna blow the place to smithereens.  Wanna piece of the action?"  I really didn't want in since I didn't have a dog in that fight, but Red Lobster?  Come on.  All I could think about was...


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## nvthis (Feb 17, 2010)

Kings giant claw on a Red Lobster platter, with drawn butter, a note book and plenty of beer. I needed to know what he was hiding. But for now, I needed to just play along. I looked up from my crab boil joint, while blowing smoke rings into the crabs face I said....


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