# Holiday Eating Tips



## SmokinMom (Dec 11, 2008)

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk
or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple,Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? LaborDay?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, glass of red wine in the other, body thoroughly used up and totally worn out while screaming "WOO HOO! What a ride!"


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## UKgirl420 (Dec 11, 2008)

*very true  *


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## mendo local (Dec 11, 2008)

Im getting hungry reading all this.


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## Buddy_Williams (Dec 11, 2008)

Holy $hit SM.....I remember times like that, though it was usually followed by my mother saying, " Oh geez ****, how many times do I have to tell you, if you keep eating like that you'll be a fat slob. Nobody will ever love you."

With that being said it was a warped way of thinking, for goodness sake I was 6....that ** had went on until I was 17.....now I am 21, near anorexic looking.....I am going to take your advice and gorge:yay:.....


Thanks, made my heart smile,

BW


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## SmokinMom (Dec 11, 2008)

Glad ya liked it, Buddy.


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## nvthis (Dec 12, 2008)

:rofl: :rofl: 





			
				SmokinMom said:
			
		

> 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.


:rofl: :rofl: That's awesome!



			
				SmokinMom said:
			
		

> 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.


 
Ok, not to go against the grain here but... I have had some pretty good fruit cakes through the years. No, really. I think the secret is when they soak them in Puerto Rican rum for like a month. Almost can't even tell it's fruit cake anymore. It's more like _chewing_ shots! Mmhm.


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## SmokinMom (Dec 12, 2008)

I have never had a good fruitcake.  I gave up tryin.


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## ArtVandolay (Dec 12, 2008)

SmokinMom said:
			
		

> 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
> 
> ...



But I like carrots   Cooked or raw, I don't care what you do to them lol  Actually, carrots are very high in sugar.  My vet says that's why the dogs are so fat.


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## clanchattan (Dec 12, 2008)

Gravy Does Not Stand Alone!


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