# Beaten, battered, and bruised



## Reverend Willis (Jun 30, 2006)

I got my ass kicked by a pair of roller skates today. I'm on the north side of fifty and ought to know better than doin' that crap. It has been 20 years since I skated but temptation got the best of me and I strapped  those devil wheels on my feet.
I've been working with a small group of 7th and 8th graders all week at a Science & Math camp. Today was the last class so we took them to the skating rink to have some fun. All week long they've asked me, "Rev, you gonna skate Friday." "Naw," I told 'em. "The Rev is old and brittle and shouldn't do that stuff." So, when we arrived at the rink, I was one of the first in line to get my skates. Dummy.
I was awkward and geeky on the skates but kept getting a little better as time wore on. It finally happened. My feet went north and my ass went south to have a meeting with that hard floor. I was laughing so hard that my students came over to see if I was delirious as I laid flat on my back looking up at the ceiling. Several of them laid down around me, stared up at the ceiling, and laughed along with me. 
Damn good time. Of course, tomorrow I'll be so sore I can't move. That's alright. I can sleep in and hopefully recover from my latest act of stupidity.


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## LdyLunatic (Jun 30, 2006)

oh dear lord......i haven't heard the word roller skate in years  

hope your not too too sore tomorrow


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## THE BROTHER'S GRUNT (Jul 1, 2006)

*Damn Rev sounds like you had yourself a good time. You might have to break out the Bengay today.  *


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 1, 2006)

Yep, it was a good time, BG. Now is payback time. I'm sore in a couple of places I didn't know existed on my body.  I'll be cruising the thrift stores today lookin' for a good deal on a walker. This is what happens when you don't exercise regularly. I'm also checkin' out burial plots in case I don't live through the day.


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## GreenDayGirl (Jul 1, 2006)

well that settles it! My roller skates are going back in the closet! Heres one....catch for a 10 year old pitcher who throws damn near 50 mph and not always with the greatest accuracy


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## Ptbo_Stonerz (Jul 1, 2006)

Oh Rev. you are one funny guy. Rollerskates? what are they? don't you mean rolled blades? Nah i'm just joking Rev. but wow its been a long time since even myself heard the words roller skates. Almost everytime I fall, mostly from not paying attention, I discover parts of my body hurt that I didnt know existed either, Im an extreame snowboarder, so I fall alot. A few joints in the morning should help with the pain somewhat. Hope your feeling better soon Rev.


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## rasta (Jul 1, 2006)

hey rev no act of stupidity,,,nice to see people like your self spending time with the kids ,,so many craze's out there looking to hurt them ,,but yes you will be a hurting unit in the morning ,I'll pray for your speedy recovery ,BE WELL REV,,,RASTA


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 1, 2006)

Ptbo_Stonerz said:
			
		

> Oh Rev. you are one funny guy. Rollerskates? what are they? don't you mean rolled blades? Nah i'm just joking Rev. but wow its been a long time since even myself heard the words roller skates. Almost everytime I fall, mostly from not paying attention, I discover parts of my body hurt that I didnt know existed either, Im an extreame snowboarder, so I fall alot. A few joints in the morning should help with the pain somewhat. Hope your feeling better soon Rev.


Thanks, Stonerz. They had the inline (single rollers) but they also still have a lot of the double wheels like many of us grew up with. All the old geezers (myself included) went for the "doubles." I asked for the model with training wheels but he said they haven't been invented yet. At the very least, I'm tying a pillow to my ass next time to cushion the landing.

Believe it or not, I skated (once) with the roller blades. That was 16 years ago but who is counting. The girlfriend at the time decided we should cruise the small beach town we were visiting. We found the skate shop and the guy brought out the equipment... helmet (with face guard), gloves, wrist protectors, elbow pads, knee pads, maxi pads, chest protector, a space-age polymer cup to protect my junk... and then the boot skates. I looked at the pile of equipment and told the guy, "I don't want to go to war, I just wanna skate." I've seen major league baseball catchers that weren't protected nearly this well. I made it one block and stopped. The girlfriend asked, "Whatsa matter?" "I gotta pee," I said. "Damn my luck."


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## Ptbo_Stonerz (Jul 2, 2006)

It is so good to hear from a man of the cloth with such a good sence of humor. You always make me laugh with your posts.


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 2, 2006)

Ptbo_Stonerz said:
			
		

> It is so good to hear from a man of the cloth with such a good sence of humor. You always make me laugh with your posts.


I'm not a man of the cloth but I was named after the right Reverend Willis. Most folks who have known me awhile will definitely tell you I ain't quite right. Glad to hear you get a chuckle from the Rev's postings. That makes it worthwhile for me.
An update on the battered, bruised body... I have a bruise the size of Rhode Island on my hip. It's really nasty. My friends tell me that's good news cause I'm gettin' to the age where hips break and don't bruise. Oh joy. Perhaps I should celebrate.


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## bmello (Jul 3, 2006)

Reverend Willis said:
			
		

> Yep, it was a good time, BG. Now is payback time. I'm sore in a couple of places I didn't know existed on my body. I'll be cruising the thrift stores today lookin' for a good deal on a walker. This is what happens when you don't exercise regularly. I'm also checkin' out burial plots in case I don't live through the day.


 
Rev, if you still need the walker, got one for you, it was left in my garage when I bought my house, it must have your name on it  
Also, I know someone who sells plots...


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## drfting07 (Jul 3, 2006)

it isnt a college camp is it? You stay in the college dorms for like 1 or 2 weeks and eat your meals at the cafeteria? and you go to the actual classes at the college to learn about the subjects you signed up for? i went to one once


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 3, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> Rev, if you still need the walker, got one for you, it was left in my garage when I bought my house, it must have your name on it
> Also, I know someone who sells plots...


Damn, is it my lucky day or what. Of course we'll need to customize that walker a bit. I'd like a basket on the front and one of those little ding-ding bells so when I push it through Wal-Mart I can ruffle the feathers of those poor, dumb sumbitchin' rednecks that drive so slow. 
If'n it wouldn't be too much trouble, I'd also like one of those loud ass boom boxes with so much bass that you can feel it down in your gonads. I have a teenage neighbor that needs a little payback. I'll push my modified walker back and forth in front of his house until his eardrums bleed. 
You're a fine young man to be lookin' after your poor, decrepit elders, mello.


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 3, 2006)

drfting07 said:
			
		

> it isnt a college camp is it? You stay in the college dorms for like 1 or 2 weeks and eat your meals at the cafeteria? and you go to the actual classes at the college to learn about the subjects you signed up for? i went to one once


Hey Drift. Nah, it's not a college camp. This was a day camp for 7th & 8th graders. They're not allowed to stay overnight until they get to high school. I wish it was a college camp. We have one of those for for our high school students but I'm stuck with the middle school-aged kids. 
Too bad cause we have a fine university in this town -- 17,000 students so that means about 8,500 must be cute females. The Rev would like that cause they walk around nearly 'bout nekkid. Oh my goodness.


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## bmello (Jul 5, 2006)

Reverend Willis said:
			
		

> Damn, is it my lucky day or what. Of course we'll need to customize that walker a bit. I'd like a basket on the front and one of those little ding-ding bells so when I push it through Wal-Mart I can ruffle the feathers of those poor, dumb sumbitchin' rednecks that drive so slow.
> If'n it wouldn't be too much trouble, I'd also like one of those loud ass boom boxes with so much bass that you can feel it down in your gonads. I have a teenage neighbor that needs a little payback. I'll push my modified walker back and forth in front of his house until his eardrums bleed.
> You're a fine young man to be lookin' after your poor, decrepit elders, mello.


 
Shucks Rev, I don't know if I should be blushing  since I am probably older than you, and also I am a woman but you couldn't have seen that coming!!!!  Sweet of you though and I'll get the boom box from the obnoxious kid next door to me that loves to smoke crack in his backyard!!!


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 5, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> Shucks Rev, I don't know if I should be blushing  since I am probably older than you, and also I am a woman but you couldn't have seen that coming!!!! Sweet of you though and I'll get the boom box from the obnoxious kid next door to me that loves to smoke crack in his backyard!!!


  A chickamundo! You're right. I never saw that one coming. So, you don't have gonads, you have she-nads. Perhaps we should make a bet on who is oldest. I grew up watching Howdy Doody in Black & White. Still think your'e older?


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## bmello (Jul 6, 2006)

Howdie Doodie was on when I grew up, along with Mr. Ed, Identical cousins (can't remember the title), Father knows best, etc.  Oh, and Mr. Green Jeans...


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 6, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> Howdie Doodie was on when I grew up, along with Mr. Ed, Identical cousins (can't remember the title), Father knows best, etc. Oh, and Mr. Green Jeans...


... and Bunny Rabbit and Mr. Moose. Yes, Captain K was the man. 
_Identical cousins (can't remember the title) ..._ OK, Remembering those shows plus Memory loss proves you're older'n dirt. Do you believe we actually had to WALK across the room to change channels on that B/W tv! Ohmygawd.
Car 54 with Gunther Toody and his partner Muldoon... Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Seargeant Bilko bilking the other soldiers out of their paychecks.
My Mother, the Car. That dopey nun (Sally Fields) way back before she had osteoporisis. I guess all that flying caused her bones to degenerate.
Topper. The Millionaire. Gillette's Friday Night Fights (there's something about an Aqua Velva man). The Rifleman. Bonanza (with Pa, Lil' Joe, Hoss, Adam and not to forget Hop Sing the cook). Amos and Andy (with Kingfish and Lightnin'). Honeymooners (Ralph, Alice, Ed, and Trixie). And that brilliant dog, Lassie and Timmy ("what is it, Lassie? Grandpa's fallen into the well and can't get out?") The Real McCoys with Grandpa, Luke, Kate, Little Luke, Hassie, and Pepino (the first illegal immigrant). Beaver and Wally and June and Ward and Eddie Haskell and Fred and Clarence Rutherford (Lumpy) and Whitey. And my all-time favorites The Three Stooges (soitenly!).

TV has come a long way. I guess we have too. Thanks for spurring those memories.


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## Stoney Bud (Jul 6, 2006)

Reverend Willis said:
			
		

> A chickamundo! You're right. I never saw that one coming. So, you don't have gonads, you have she-nads. Perhaps we should make a bet on who is oldest. I grew up watching Howdy Doody in Black & White. Still think you're older?


Ha! Can I play? Heck bmello, the first time I saw you post, I thought you were a youngster in school still and it was some time before I realized you were a women. Who cares? I think both of you are cool people. It doesn't matter what gender you are or how old you are. We all like to have our weed and chill out. Good luck to both of you!

I was born in 1933. I was in the army before I saw my first real tv in the 50's. I didn't have much use for it. The thing scared me a little. Everyone said you could get killed by the "rays" it gave off if you stood too close to it. I tried to never go near it. If I did, I tried to stand behind some other person so they'd get all of the rays or whatever. Ha!

When I got back to the states after Korea, I saw them all the time in store windows, but still didn't get one until about the mid 60's. It was an old round cornered thing with a screen about 12 inches wide and the picture was only clear in the middle. I really thought it would go away soon. When the fancy ones came out in the fancy cabinets with two speakers, I thought hell, these things are here to stay I guess so I upgraded to a square cornered Zenith with tubes of course. You remember testing your tubes at the drug store in their machine? My favorite old show would be superman. What a guy! Bullets bouncing off and everything. I was much too old to be watching him, but I watched it every time I could. I saw my first color tv about the early 70's I guess. At first, only rich folks had em. Now I have Direct TV with 600 channels I don't even watch! My first tv only got 2 channels. 2 and 4.

If you guys are older than I, then that's good, but I think you guys are still young people around 50 or so. I'm still young too. I had a good talk with a lady who is 93 the other day. She told me some good old stories. When I brought up weed, she said she tried it with a friend once and it made her dizzy so she didn't like it. Ha! That's why I DO like it! That and it makes the little trouble pains go away. It makes me laugh a lot too. That's the fun part.

Have fun. That's my only real rule in life. I do my best to not hurt anyone and just have fun. I do work still. Can't figure out how to live right if I quit. I might quit when I'm 80. We'll see.


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## bmello (Jul 6, 2006)

Wow Mr. Wizard!!!  You are doing wonderful for your age, and you have got me beat.  My father was born in 1920 and was a pearl harbor survivor, so I wish I could still listen to his stories, since he has passed, but love to listen to anyone that has stories so give us what you got, would love to hear more anytime!!!  In fact, I have a pic of my dad when he won his first color TV back in the mid 70s, it was a compact size!!!  Love to reminisce!!


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## Mutt (Jul 6, 2006)

I am still a pup on the porch, but seen you guys mentioning Capt. K? I'm assuming Captain Kangaroo. I watched him when I was a kid w/ bill cosby doin picture pages. I even sent a get well card in when he had his heart attack or something. (heck I was only 4). Amazing what you remeber when watching your own kids play.


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 6, 2006)

OK, Stoney. You made your first appearance on the planet 18 years before me. Glad your'e still kicking around at 73. I hit 55 next month and can't wait for my senior discount. I wonder if the guy I buy weed from occaisionally will honor my AARP card. I do remember Superman quite well. Steve Reeves was the first one on TV. Yeah, hangin' out in Metropolis with Clark every afternoon at 4:00 EST (check your local listings) was a big deal for us after-school watchers. Good times then. Good times now. And thanks to you for hangin' around this Taco Stand and sharing your experiences and advice.

And MizzMello, if we sawed you in half and counted the rings, how many would we find?
Your posts have inspired my tired brain to remember more TV show casts and character names. I was out for a walk with the dog telling her all these names -- Roy and Trigger and his dog Rusty (?), Dale and Buttermilk, Gabby and his jeep LuLubelle (? anyone remember?). OK, so it was mindless TV shows but at least we were spared the excess of violence that graces the (big-screen) 'tubes' of today. We could at least go back to the 80s where T&A was more important than violence -- or you could tune into Charlies Angels and get the best of both worlds. Who doesn't enjoy watching buxom women beat the slop outta some male chauvinist pig. Whoo-eee, it don't get no better. The good times never end.


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 6, 2006)

... and I've always had my suspicions about Mr. Green Jeans growin' weed behind the Captain's place. He was WAY too mellow not to have been a stoner.


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## Stoney Bud (Jul 6, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> Wow Mr. Wizard!!! You are doing wonderful for your age, and you have got me beat. My father was born in 1920 and was a pearl harbor survivor, so I wish I could still listen to his stories, since he has passed, but love to listen to anyone that has stories so give us what you got, would love to hear more anytime!!! In fact, I have a pic of my dad when he won his first color TV back in the mid 70s, it was a compact size!!! Love to reminisce!!


Ha! There have been times when I thought my body was trying to kill me, and it was me that was killin it. I drank grease most of my life. In my time, having meat to put on the table three times a day meant you were MAKIN it! I grew up making sure I had a little piece of fat on every bite. OMG!!!! Now I have this set of scars on my chest and leg. 5 little dashes in the one on my leg. THAT wasn't fun.

Now, I eat pretty good health wise, and I drink only twice what the doc wants me to. I have my weed. My very first crop of weed was what you could call a natural one. I threw out the seeds and walked on em. The plants grew great and spread a little every year. It was weed from Thailand and it was about 1949 or so. I never quit smoking my weed from that time on. There have been dry spells before I found out how to do proper Hydroponic weed. Now, I've got 8 pounds total in the closet that is what I call my tips. I take just the very tips off of enough tops to give me my own "best-of" stash. Each tip is just the size for a one hitter on the bong.

You ought to see the faces of the young people who come out of the place I go to shoot pool. I'll step out to smoke a pinner and I'll hold a toke in while they walk by. When I let it out, I always here someone say like they saw a ghost; "That OLD guy back there was smoking some weed man, NO SHIT!) Some come back and get lucky. I share a little pinner with a couple or three of em and they all get glassy eyed and swayin. Hhahaahaha. "Hey man, this is some great shit" is the best compliment in the world to a grower like me.

They take it easy on me on the pool table then. I get em all messed up and THEN we play for drinks. Hahahahahahaha.

You want a story? I'll tell you one that was a big laugh on me!

I was in a place called "Joes Place" in Hawthorne Nevada back in about 1980. I was working in a mine in Gabbs Nevada, about 60-80 miles just down the road. I had been shooting pool all day and had a great buzz goin. I won the last ten games or so and thought I was hot shit.

A bus from Vegas to Reno stopped there every evening for a 15 minute break. This little guy about 5 foot tall dressed in a fancy suit and a "Mafia" type hat comes in off the bus. I'm standing there "owning" the table and he says "Ya wanna shoot one kid?" I'm in my 40's then. I say sure, it's my table. That means he has to rack em. Good ole quarter tables.

I'm getting down on my pitcher of beer and I say to him, "You want to shoot for a picture or the price?" He says "Naw, lets just shoot for fun".

I thought, what a wussy. Oh well. No other action so what the hell.

I broke em and didn't make anything.

He called every single thing he did, and he did plenty.

He ran the table twice and the bus tooted. He dipped his hat at me and thanked me for the games.

Holy Crap!

What if he'd wanted my money?

Ha!


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## Stoney Bud (Jul 6, 2006)

Reverend Willis said:
			
		

> I was out for a walk with the dog telling her all these names -- Roy and Trigger and his dog Rusty (?), Dale and Buttermilk


Oh Good Gawd! I was IN LOVE with Dale Evens. When she sang, it sounded like angels from heaven comin to take me away.

Happy Trails to you, until we meet againnnnnnnnn! Oh yeah, what a hottie!

And she never once went mftfaddafmttttt dda ssk mfttttt ddddddd bwaaa. Man, I used to watch her tassles swayin and it made me crazy!

I was old enough to be jelous of Roy Rogers. Damn, if she'd just seen me first!

Yeah, the only superman I ever saw was the first one. The new ones would ruin the memory. Like I said, I was way too old to be caught watchin superman, but if the truth be known, I loved that show and looked forward to it every time I saw it. We never lose the kid in us.

Hey, I KNOW Mr. Greenjeans had a grow room. You're right man, the dude was way too mellow to not be cool. You remember he sometimes would have a weed in his mouth? NOW we know what it was. Freakin Maui-Wowie. Dude even started singin once in awhile.

And how about Rin-tin-tin?


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## Stoney Bud (Jul 6, 2006)

Mutt said:
			
		

> I am still a pup on the porch, but seen you guys mentioning Capt. K? I'm assuming Captain Kangaroo. I watched him when I was a kid w/ bill cosby doin picture pages.


Did you know that: 

Bob Keeshan, later famous as television's "Captain Kangaroo," best known for his portrayals of Captain Kangaroo and Clarabell the Clown also enlisted in the U.S. Marines, but he did so too late to see any action during World War II. Keeshan was born on 27 June 1927 and enlisted two weeks before his 18th birthday, several months after the fighting at Iwo Jima. In a 1997 interview, Keeshan explained that he "enlisted in the U.S. Marines but saw no combat" because he signed up "just before we dropped the atom bomb." 


And if you like old westerns, how about *Audie Murphy* (June 20, 1924 - May 28, 1971) was an American soldier in World War II, and later a successful actor. In 27 months of combat action, he became the most decorated soldier in the history of the U.S. Army. Murphy received the Medal of Honor, the military's highest award for valor, along with 32 additional medals awarded for bravery and service. In the later part of his life, he went on to have a successful movie career, including the extremely popular To Hell and Back.

CLICK HERE

I heard the dude had nads as big a basketballs. Would run right through machine gun bullets and shit and never get hit.


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## bmello (Jul 6, 2006)

Dear Rev, I must confess, I am the youngest of you and Stoney, born in 1959, but it was a great decade!!!!  Yes I do remember all of those, my dad and I would watch all the westerns, his favs.  I loved Big Valley...I am sure you two guys loved Linda Evans...I had a huge crush on Heath!!!  Lee Majors...and of course the bad boy brother, Nick... but as you can see Clint is the greatest, what was the name of his character, Rowdy Yates, yum yum!!!

To Mr. Wizard, I believe I have a big ole crush on you... you and the Rev keep me smiling when I come on this website and I am lovin it...Thanks and keep it up!!!!


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## Stoney Bud (Jul 6, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> Dear Rev, I must confess, I am the youngest of you and Stoney, born in 1959, but it was a great decade!!!! Yes I do remember all of those, my dad and I would watch all the westerns, his favs. I loved Big Valley...I am sure you two guys loved Linda Evans...
> 
> To Mr. Wizard, I believe I have a big ole crush on you... you and the Rev keep me smiling when I come on this website and I am lovin it...Thanks and keep it up!!!!


Man! Now that Dale is out of the picture, you better watch out!

Ha! Linda Evans? Naw, I never even looked at her t... Whooops. Terrier, she had a boston terrier. I think she had a pair of em. Terriers that is.

No, I never even noticed she was on the show.


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 7, 2006)

Yeah. Linda Evans was a cutie. She was definitely an old Cadillac kind of girl. She had a nice set of bumper bullets on her grill. 
moooo bueno.


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## bmello (Jul 7, 2006)

Hey Rev, is that you in the pic?  Sure are a cutie!!!


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 7, 2006)

Yes, MizMello. It is the Revernator, circa 1959. Dang right I was a cute Cub Scout. I know how the ladies like a guy in uniform.  You were being fitted for your first diapers 'bout that time, huh.


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## bmello (Jul 10, 2006)

Yes I was, and you are right, we women love a guy in uniform...can you still fit into it?!!!!!


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 10, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> Yes I was, and you are right, we women love a guy in uniform..._*can you still fit into it?!!!!!*_


A comedienne, huh. I could probably fit into the pup tent we used for camping... but I couldn't close the flap.


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## bmello (Jul 10, 2006)

LOL!!!  That is hilarious, don't tell me you still have the tent, are you a packrat?


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## KindMind (Jul 10, 2006)

Hey you three didn't mean to evesdrop on you guyz but I have to say that I have learned a few things on this thread. I'm just sitting here wondering why non of you guyz where my grandparents. If so I'm sure my summers as a kid would have been a lot more intrestin. I'm not saying that because you all smoke weed but because of the history and knowledge that you all so freely share. 

Thanks Again Stoney(I'm going to go to all the pool halls in my city tonight and look for an older man with a pinner so don't be allarmed when I ask you to pass the pinner) Rev. ( I understand why7 you where so upset about the girlfriend post after reading this thread and getting to know some of who you are ) Bmello (not to be rude but you seem a lot like my mom one of the coolest mid-aged women I know)

Thanks for the storys U 3

Kindmind


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## Stoney Bud (Jul 10, 2006)

KindMind said:
			
		

> Hey you three didn't mean to eavesdrop on you guyz but I have to say that I have learned a few things on this thread. I'm just sitting here wondering why non of you guyz where my grandparents. If so I'm sure my summers as a kid would have been a lot more intrestin. I'm not saying that because you all smoke weed but because of the history and knowledge that you all so freely share.
> 
> Thanks Again Stoney(I'm going to go to all the pool halls in my city tonight and look for an older man with a pinner so don't be alarmed when I ask you to pass the pinner)
> 
> ...


 
I already have a set of groupies man. When I take a break from playing, several people seem to show up consistently. I don't give a shit, I have plenty. I do use my head tho and I never get stupid with the pubic thing.

If you ask the older guy out there, I'll be the antique old wrinkled bastard over in the corner watching you ask him. HA!!!!!!!!!

History? I could tell you some interesting stuff. Like Berlin. If you ever want to see a city that puts New York City to shame for action, go to Berlin for a month or so. You'll kill yourself partying. I damn near did. I was there in the 70's while I was still in the Army. WHAT A TOWN!!!!!!!!!

As for not being your grandparent, it would probably be more like your great grandad. I think I might have some offspring running around all over the world. At 73, I can still write just fine with my pencil, if you know what I mean. My problem is finding a sheet of paper to write on!!! HAHAHAHAA


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## Mutt (Jul 10, 2006)

Stoney Bud said:
			
		

> At 73, I can still write just fine with my pencil, if you know what I mean. My problem is finding a sheet of paper to write on!!! HAHAHAHAA


 
Oh no Stoney ain't had his pencil sharpened in a while huh. I know this freaky red-headed nurse for ya man. I send her your way.  

Edit: and no its not "red" sorry to dash your hopes.


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## bmello (Jul 10, 2006)

Stoney, with your wit, I cannot believe you haven't lured a young and fresh little girl into your lair... (age requirement of course!!!!)


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 10, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> LOL!!! That is hilarious, don't tell me you still have the tent, are you a packrat?


No, I don't really have the tent. It was just another of my absurd attempts at humor. I used to be a packrat, but that was many wives ago. Now I'm just a rat. All my exes live in California so I do my rat-like scurrying on the other coast. I see you are in NorCal. I almost went to school in Humboldt but Mrs. Ratt nixed that idea in favor of San Luis Obispo. It's a bit more hoity toity to her liking. And another wife later, we almost settled in Susanville - due east of Redding in the Sierras. I can't remember why we didn't move there. I think maybe she divorced me before we could get the moving van packed. 

Kind Mind... if you understand me better now, perhaps I should have married you. Nah, it's too late in life to change sides but I have considered being bisexual. It would double my chances for a date on the weekends. 
I'll talk to MzMello to see if she'd be interested in having us adopt you as a grandson. We could sit around and tell you stories about the "good ol' days"... or what we can remember. DO you mow the grass (not that kind) or do any chores for old folks? If so, we'd love to have you visit in September when we re-paint the barn. 

Stoney... I still have to push my own pencil. In this fast-paced technological world, I don't have a secretary or assistant to take dicktation. Bummer.


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## bmello (Jul 10, 2006)

Yep I knew a little cutie like you had women all around you!!!  Yes I believe in adoption BUT, what does he bring to the table?


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 10, 2006)

Reverend Willis said:
			
		

> Of course, tomorrow I'll be so sore I can't move. That's alright. I can sleep in and hopefully recover from my latest act of stupidity.


I knew I was gonna be sore but I didn't know how bruised. This is a big bruise on a big ass. I don't wanna post anything too personal that might identify me to the police... "Sarge, I'm gonna run this picture through the FBI ass files and see if we get a match." Yeah, copper, we got a match. My butt and your face.


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## bmello (Jul 11, 2006)

Has the bruise started to yellow yet?  Is it one cheek or both cheeks, or does it just spread across the whole ass?


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 11, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> Has the bruise started to yellow yet? Is it one cheek or both cheeks, or does it just spread across the whole ass?


Thank you for showing concern for my bruised ass. And your question about yellowing indicates you know your stuff about bruises. You're not a nurse are you? It is yellowing in the middle as the trapped blood pushes outward. And it's only a half-ass bruise - one-cheek only.
Are we really talking about my butt? We must truly be sad freaks of nature to have sunk so low (no pun intended) for conversational material. So, how are your cheeks? Are you a cheeky gal?


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## bmello (Jul 11, 2006)

You know when I am at work is when I am on this forum and it helps break up the day and I need a good laugh every now and then throughout the day since I am not stoned when I am at work!!!  

No, I am not a nurse, but as you already know I have been around the block a few times, so experience is my knowledge of this subject...and ass bruises are familiar to me!  I think it is complementary of your ass that it is a topic of discussion, don't you think your ass deserves some recognition?  You think about where your ass has been and then ask yourself if it deserves to be talked about...


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## Stoney Bud (Jul 11, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> You think about where your ass has been and then ask yourself if it deserves to be talked about...


Where has the Rev's ass been?.....No, I ain't goin there!


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## bmello (Jul 11, 2006)

WE can ONLY imagine where his ass has been, and I am quite sure your ass can tell some amazing stories, too, Mr. Wizard!!!


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 11, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> You know when I am at work is when I am on this forum and it helps break up the day and I need a good laugh every now and then throughout the day since I am not stoned when I am at work!!!
> 
> No, I am not a nurse, but as you already know I have been around the block a few times, so experience is my knowledge of this subject...and ass bruises are familiar to me! I think it is complementary of your ass that it is a topic of discussion, don't you think your ass deserves some recognition? You think about where your ass has been and then ask yourself if it deserves to be talked about...


 
Well MzMello, may I call you Bea? OK, Bea, my favorite ex-wife used to say that... "I've been around the block a few times." In actuality, her odometer had turned over. She's still a great gal to this day. 

I must be honest, my ass has received much recognition over the years. I began mooning as a child and have not totally given it up today. I'm a little slow on the "drop trou" I'll be competing in the Seniors Mooning Tour of LA (Lower Alabama) later this summer.
The vice-principal in high school was familiar with my ass because he paddled it 3 times a day. Plus, I was pretty bad about mooning in school as well. At one point, it was a crime to moon in California -- true, true, true -- and if convicted, you must register as a sex offender. So, I asked myself what would Benjamen Franklin have done. I suspect he would have done as I did and moved to a state that respects the time-honored tradition of mooning. Thank God this is still America where a man or woman can drop their drawers with pride and tell the world, "Here's my ass. Here's what I think about it. Pucker up."

SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH!


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## bmello (Jul 12, 2006)

My, my, my, Rev, you have gotten around!  I know about the law in california, but not from experience.  I treasure my ass, not just anyone gets to see it    but I am sure happy for you and your ass flapping in the wind whenever the mood strikes you!  Good for you and God bless you.  
 Good advice from ole Ben, you know he was quite the partier and womanizer in his hey days, god love him...
By the by, didn't you get paddle by the nuns?


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## Stoney Bud (Jul 12, 2006)

Hey Rev, I think Ms Mello may be right! I put your picture from the avatar into a photo enhancement program and a very shifty looking kid was looking back at me. I couldn almost read your lips....

"Hey! What the hell you lookin at?"


Hahahahahahaaha


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 13, 2006)

Yep, Stoney. That's the same kid with "attitude."
*"HEY! You talkin' to ME? *
Someone has to keep the other kids straight.


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 13, 2006)

My, my, my, Rev, you have gotten around!
>> I prefer to think I have maximized all opportunities for having fun and created happy occaisions and memories whenever possible.

I treasure my ass, not just anyone gets to see it  but I am sure happy for you and your ass flapping in the wind whenever the mood strikes you! 
>> The mood doesn't "strike" as often as it used to but there are circumstances where a good 'moon' fits the situation perfectly.

By the by, didn't you get paddle by the nuns?
>> No. They used the rulers on the back of my hand. You're not referring to the episode where they put lace around my shirt,are you?


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## Hick (Jul 13, 2006)

this thread is _ass_inine...


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 13, 2006)

Hick said:
			
		

> this thread is _ass_inine...


I totally agree. It's a whole _Buttload_ of crap. 
Some folks might find it to be fant_ass_tic.


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## Stoney Bud (Jul 13, 2006)

I think I'm going to puke.

No ass in that!

Hahahahaha


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## bmello (Jul 13, 2006)

Well Rev, you are pulling another funny  LOL!!!

As for the nuns, yes you have actually brought up a bad memory of mine when I attended catholic school.  I have never told anyone before, you are my first:  In the 5th grade, I was very quietly saying some mean things to a girl that kept hounding me to fight her.  The teacher came up from behind me, in front of the whole class, and spanked me on the butt!    Boy I was mad!!  It was a regular teacher and not a nun!!!!  I had always thought that it was safe to have regular teachers and to watch out for the nuns, and that incident blew my theory.  It is no wonder I dropped out of high school and it took me til way into my thirties to get my higher education, humm, something to think about or should I just go straight to the therapist?!!!!


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## Hick (Jul 13, 2006)

Could I recommend my therapist?..Dr. Kevorkian


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## Stoney Bud (Jul 13, 2006)

Hick said:
			
		

> Could I recommend my therapist?..Dr. Kevorkian


I used to know a lot of people who knew him.


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 13, 2006)

Hick said:
			
		

> Could I recommend my therapist?..Dr. Kevorkian


Yes, yes. I'd be interested. I also have a Buy One, Get One Free coupon from Dr. Jack. He does make house calls, right? I mean after he gets out of the slammer. I hear he makes you totally relaxed. I've heard his therapy is to die for.


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## bmello (Jul 14, 2006)

Stoney Bud said:
			
		

> I used to know a lot of people who knew him.


 
Mr. Wizard are you serious or is this a pun?


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## bmello (Jul 14, 2006)

Hey Rev, my motherly instincts are telling me to ask you how the bruise is?  Gone yet?  Still painful?  Walking at all?


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 14, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> Hey Rev, my motherly instincts are telling me to ask you how the bruise is? Gone yet? Still painful? Walking at all?


Hello Beatrice. Thanks for inquiring about my ass. The bruise is nearly gone. What is left behind (besides my ass) is that nasty jaundiced look. Walking hasn't been much of a problem but it is painful when I try to roll on that side in bed. The dog kicked me in her sleep the other night and it woke me immediately. However, all that crap aside, I'm feeling pretty damn good. 
I was visiting with a friend this morning and we were talking about "roller skating" spills. He had a similar incident as mine several years back. The most painful part of the fall is how all the internal organs get jostled and jolted by the impact. He gave up skating after that. I hate to be a quitter but my lifelong dream of being in the Roller Derby looks like it was squashed between my ass and that hard floor the day I fell. 
I have bared my soul and dropped my britches so everyone could be privvy to my intimate thoughts and bruised buttocks. 
So, how's your ass? Tell us something about your ass we didn't know.


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## Stoney Bud (Jul 14, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> Mr. Wizard are you serious or is this a pun?


Hey Ms. Mello, I'm being a smart ass.

And you can call me Stoney. All the best people do!

Hahahahahaa


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## Mutt (Jul 15, 2006)

I hate to change the flow of the conversation. but just wanted to say.
Hey Rev. You gave me and the ole lady the idea to take the youngest one roller skating for the first time. Yep, that little one was a wreck on them skates. As for me. I stayed very close to that wall. Came close to busting my arse a couple of times. hehehehe.
Just sayin thanks for posting this. We woulda never had the idea otherwise.


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## Reverend Willis (Jul 15, 2006)

Mutt said:
			
		

> I hate to change the flow of the conversation. but just wanted to say.
> Hey Rev. You gave me and the ole lady the idea to take the youngest one roller skating for the first time. Yep, that little one was a wreck on them skates. As for me. I stayed very close to that wall. Came close to busting my arse a couple of times. hehehehe.
> Just sayin thanks for posting this. We woulda never had the idea otherwise.


Glad to hear you made it without crashing and burning, Mutt. Did you go for the inline skates or the ol' double wheeled variety?
What did the kid think about it?


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## bmello (Jul 17, 2006)

Reverend Willis said:
			
		

> I have bared my soul and dropped my britches so everyone could be privvy to my intimate thoughts and bruised buttocks.
> So, how's your ass? Tell us something about your ass we didn't know.


 
You are a very good sport baring it all and giving Mutt an opportunity to try something with his family that is fun for all ages!!!  

Tell about my ass?  HMMM, well, in my day there was a lot of streaking but I never did, modesty got the best of me, not that I didn't like to have fun!!!  I was usually the get-away driver, always was the "behind the scenes" person.  I had a girlfriend whose brother was a maniac driver and would go up to over 100 mph anytime he found the chance.  This guy had totaled every car he drove, his, his dad's, his brother's, his friends...whenever he let us ride with him it was usually in the back of the truck, man I never dared to stick anything out of the back of that truck for fear of falling out, and you never knew when he was going to punch it, one girl did fall out of the back and landed on her head, she was ok though!!!

I told you about my "spanking" from the teacher, I think I have forgotten alot of stuff I did...loss of memory due to old age!!!  My dad would whoop our asses when we got into trouble, and since I grew up in an all boys neighborhood, I had to learn to protect my ass from getting it beat, and so I learned to scrap good.   My dad would always say if you can't win, just make sure you take a piece with you, and I did!!!

I think I have bared my ass, hope it was as good for you as it was good for me!!!


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## bmello (Jul 17, 2006)

Stoney Bud said:
			
		

> Hey Ms. Mello, I'm being a smart ass.
> 
> And you can call me Stoney. All the best people do!
> 
> Hahahahahaa


 
Why thank you Stoney, I feel privledge now!!!


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## Stoney Bud (Jul 17, 2006)

bmello said:
			
		

> I think I have bared my ass, hope it was as good for you as it was good for me!


Man, I need a ciggerette after that!

Wait! I don't smoke them.

I'll have a joint!


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## bmello (Jul 17, 2006)

Funny you mentioned cigarettes and pot together, have a little story...when I was 17, the bong epidemic was just beginning.  My friends and I were getting into it big time, collecting as many as we could...sizes shapes, materials.  I decided I wanted to be the best one-hitter but there were a few guys too good to beat so I became the best girl one-hitter, and how did I do it, practiced alot and I stopped smoking cigarettes, the one-hits got easier as my lungs expanded so I could take it all in...couldn't do it now, wish I could, have been shopping for the right bong to work with...


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