Let's make cannamels! (with bonus chocolate ganache recipe)

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stinkyattic

stinkyattic

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Ohhh kayyyy i think its time to put down my recipe for ganja caramels. They are pretty darned delicious, and worth the massive PITA involved in making them.
Some notes:
There's no reason to decarb the grass first. It gets quite warm in-process.
It helps to use green butter that is dosed predictably. I use mexi brick shake at a pound per 10 pounds butter. Long story; I accidentally bought a trash bag full about a decade ago. It's fantastic for cooking consistently. But whatever you have works, and finding out the dosage is half the fun : )
Next, this recipe is for A LOT OF PRODUCT. I'm not kidding when I say it's a massive hassle to make them. Go big or go home... or just divide by three. But theres a certain efficiency of scale here, and sometimes bigger is better.
Last, the two most important things to remember are:
1) Don't walk away from the pot. Ever.
1a) pee before you start
2) refer to number 1.
 
Okay. Start with the equipment, and none of this is optional.
A big heavy pot. Like the size of a pasta pot with the weight of cast iron. It needs to have a very thick base. If you have a normal weight pasta pot and an iron skillet, you can put the pasta pot on top a of the skillet as a diffuser. But you need some thermal mass to deliver low even heat.
Speaking of thermal mass. Caramels near their finish point have a high specific gravity, high viscosity, high thermal mass, high temperature... AND IT IS STICKY. If you get it on your skin you are in for a bad time. seriously the splatters coming out of the pot are like napalm and second degree burns not out of the question . Wear a long sleeve sweatshirt and eye protection, and use insulated gloves. I also wear a bandanna (ed: I do NOT live in montana) to pull up when the pot gets frisky. Which brings me to the next piece of gear.
A thermometer! How frisky is your pot... of pot... ? You need some long stem or clip on thermometer accurate to 250F.
A wooden spatula with a perfectly flat end to scrape the whole bottom of the pot
Pan spray (edit: do not use garlic flavor please, that would be almost as bad as the guy at a triathlon I did who forgot his wetsuit spray and stopped at a convenience store on the way for aerosol grease. They had um, limited options . He wafted by me at the beer tent after. To this day the Farmingdale ct park pond could be used as a super savory marinade. Just no. Check your labels. Unintentiomal garlic bad.)
Parchment paper. Thus is not waxed paper! Wax paper will melt into your caramels at the finish temperature!
Cheap cookie sheets. 2- 3 of them Preferably with a crust of baked on old butter oops I mean um.. nonstick coating. Yes I'm an anodizing chemist. Thermally cured PAM seal over milspec tyIII hardcoat anodize is arguably the finest cooking surface known to man. Fight me.
If you feel sassy, those silicone baking sheets are pretty helpful. For each cookie sheet, leave one full size and cut the other with an xacto knife to precisely fit the contours of the pan and lay perfectly flat. Really, although this is not REQUIRED per se, it is a huge convenience.
Ok that's it for gear. Go make some butter while I write out the recipe :)
 
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Gather ye :
3 cups green butter
3 cups white sugar
3 regular sized cans sweetened condensed milk
3 cups corn syrup. 2 dark plus 1 light is lovely. When in doubt, or making a small batch, get dark corn syrup.
3 tsp almond extract. Or substitute coconut extract. If you use amaretto or Malibu rum, use tablespoons. Grand Marnier might be fun but I haven't tried that yet. I do almond because it's a lovely complement to the hashy flavor. It doesn't mask it entirely; it makes it shine. Like Moroccan love balls but without the excess fiber lol. James bond hisself wouldn't even be able to get away with blaming a stray toot on the bear skin rug. Us mere mortals can't either. Caramels > random dried palm fruits and nuts and sesame and who-all even KNOWS what kind of source for the lipid carrier...
3 tsp vanilla. Why? Just because. You can cut this to a tsp but don't omit it. It softens the perfume of the hash very well.
I think that's it. I've sprinkled coconut on the lower parchment, poured, re sprinkled the slab, and pressed the top into it. If you love coconut then heck yeah you should get that, too.
 
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I'm down to the bitter dregs of a surprisingly good cheap Rhone, and might as well finish the manifesto...
To get started.
Put the cans of condensed milk in a pan of really hot water to soften them.
Melt the butter with the sugar and corn syrup. Bring to a boil then simmer 6-8 minutes. If it is humid out go for 8. If it is very dry go for 6.
Remember to stir. Constantly scrape the whole bottom of the pan on every swirl.
Take off the heat.
Put in the condensed milk and stir well.
If you forgot to pee first, DO IT NOW. And put on your gloves and bandanna.
Return to heat, as low as it goes. Put in the thermometer.
Spray your pans then line them with silicone mats or parchment, smooth them out so they are stuck to the grease in the pan, and then spray again.
Now stand there for 1-3 hours stirring and stirring and... zzzz... what? Oh yeah still awake and stirring. scrape the bottom! Watch yhe thermometer! It will barely climb as moisture leaves the goo. When the liquid caramel starts to sputter, stir more vigorously and be even more mindful of any sticking you feel in the pan. Burnt condensed milk is nasty.
When it passes 212 (boiling point of water) it gets more vulnerable to scorching.
You are looking for a minimum of 238 BUT!!!!
THE FINISH TEMPERATURE IS HIGHLY DEPENDENT ON ATMOSPHERIC CONDITIONS!
The caramels are done when the liquid in the pot takes on a leathery appearance like the nose of a wrinkled feral hog. Trails from stirring take a while to flatten out.
Take it off the heat and add salt, vanilla, and your almond or coconut whatever. Stir it in without adding bubbles. It will spatter.
Quickly pour it into the baking sheet, spray the slab lightly with pan spray, gently smooth another piece of parchment on top, and put somewhere flat to cool.
Cut into pieces the size and shape of your pinky finger and wrap. These freeze well, just remember to thaw them in a baggie so they don't get sticky from condensation.
Very good melted into hot hot coffee. Yowza right to the dome.
 
I guess a double boiler wouldn't work then since the temp has to go above boiling water, right?

Thank you for the write up and recipe! Nice job!
Ill definately give this a try my next harvest.
 
They are pretty tasty and it's hard to eat just one!
The higher the end temperature, the harder the finished product is. But after making a bunch of batches over the years, I find that if you do this on a humid day, it is very difficult to get them to the finish line, and they are liable to turn out sticky on the surface. Letting them set completely sealed between 2 sheets of parchment paper or silicone is crucial. I wait for very dry weather and judge the finish by the leathery surface appearance more than temperature. So if you see the surface holding drips and swirls, use your judgement even if the thermometer says otherwise. You can test by dropping a ball of caramel onto a glass of ice water. If it firms up to where you can just barely squeeze it with your fingers, you're done. Look up "ball stages for candy making" and the internet will explain, as it usually does!
 
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oh gurl, that bish be up to her sh *t again...
 
Seeing this thread i was about to ask her to marry me, but Keef beat me to it. Looks so good.
 
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